Tagged!

“I was labeled a troublemaker, my Mom an unfit mother and I was not welcome anywhere.” ~Ryan White, an American teenager from Kokomo, Indiana, who became a national poster child for HIV/AIDS in the United States, after being expelled from middle school because of his infection. (1971-1990)

 It had been awhile since Claire had seen her mother. She didn't understand exactly why she had left in the first place. The only explanation she had been given was that she had to go away and would be gone for awhile.

Living with her aunt was OK. Her aunt was always nice to her and took good care of her. But she missed her mother. She worried that she was OK and whether she would ever come back again.

When her aunt told her they were going to visit her mom, Claire got very excited, but she was also a little worried. Why were they going to visit her? Did this mean she was never coming home?

The day came for the visit. It seemed like the middle of the night when her aunt woke her and told her it was time to go. They got on a big bus with a lot of other people with children like Claire. Then they went to another place where they ate breakfast and picked up more people with children.

The ride in the bus was really, really long, but the people at the last stop had given her a pretty purple shirt to wear, a bag of snacks, crayons, coloring books and other nice stuff. Claire’s Aunt told her funny stories about her mother to help her pass the time.

Finally, the bus turned into a driveway that looked like the entrance to a big park. Claire could only make out the few letters of the sign “C-H-O-W…” it read. Buildings started to appear; lots of them. It looked like her school, but with a lot more fences.

The bus stopped in front of one of the biggest buildings. A nice lady got on the bus and said a bunch of stuff Claire didn't understand. Then they exited the bus and headed for one of the big buildings.

The next part was confusing. Nice people in uniforms asked them to take off their shoes and their belts and put them in a tub that went through a machine. Then they were told to put them back on.

The people on her bus were sent out another door and through a series of gates. Finally everyone in the bus was told to walk to another building. There seemed to be fences everywhere and funny looking round wires.

Finally they came to a building with a double glass door. Inside they were met by two people in uniforms – a man and a woman. Claire wondered what they were guarding. They were directed to a large, locked door. Another man in uniform unlocked the door, let them go through, then locked the door behind them.

The room was full of people. Many of the women were wearing denim pants and short-or long-sleeved denim shirts. Suddenly Claire heard someone yell her name. She turned and saw her mother running across the room toward her. Her mother went to her knees to embrace her daughter. Both her mother and her aunt began to cry. “What’s the matter, Mommy?” Claire asked in bewilderment. “Aren’t you glad to see me?”

The Central California Women’s Facility in Chowchilla, California, is one of the largest correctional facilities in the world, but “the road to Chowchilla is paved with love.” The Get on the Bus Ministry brings children and their caregivers from throughout California to visit their mothers and fathers in prison. One thing that you learn on the road to Chowchilla is that stereotypes don’t work.

In today’s world of disposable things, people become easily disposable as well. It’s simple to label people as convicts and lock them away. Out of sight, out of mind. Problem solved.  But clichés like “throw away the key” or “they wouldn’t be there if they didn’t deserve to be,” don’t fit quite as comfortably when labels like “mother,” “sister,” “grandmother,” or “loved one,” also apply to the same human being. 

As stewards we are called to discover the value in everyone and to love everyone. We don’t get to choose who we love and who we don’t.

Why is it that small children know instinctively how to love unconditionally while we adults have so much difficulty loving one another?

Perhaps it’s because we read the labels on the outside before we really see the person who is inside.

Dear God: Remind me to love first and worry about the labels later.

“If you have always believed that everyone should play by the same rules and be judged by the same standards, that would have gotten you labeled a radical 60 years ago, a liberal 30 years ago and a racist today.” ~Thomas Sowell, American economist, social theorist, political philosopher, and author (b 1930)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

Gratitudinal Adjustment

“We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.” ~Thomas Fuller, English churchman and historian (1608-1661)

Howard was curled up in a near-fetal position. The tiny space made simple movement nearly impossible. His arms ached.  The smell of sewage assaulted his olfactory and made his eyes water.

How had he gotten himself into this situation? Was it laziness, stupidity or just that he had tried to take a short cut he shouldn’t have taken? “Enough!” he thought. Slowly he began to try to extricate himself from the space in which he now found himself.

Almost immediately he realized some of his extremities had gone numb. CRAAACK! The back of his head made contact with a hard, solid object. Instantly a ribbon of pain shot down his spine and darkness danced at the edges of his eyesight. A string of obscenities followed.

After several moments, the sharp pain subsided to a dull ache. Howard began a second attempt to escape the confined space. He lowered his head even more than the last time. This time he successfully ducked under the low opening and inched his way backward into the light.

Finally out of the small space which had seemingly imprisoned him, he rolled over onto his back and sat up. His wife, Miriam, was standing at the kitchen counter, an amused smile on her face and a cup of coffee in her hand.

“I told you we should have called a plumber,” she said with a smirk. “Thank you for the help and support,” Howard replied grumpily. “Don’t mention it,” she rejoined. “Lots of entertainment value. I particularly enjoyed that colorful language of yours. Were you ever in the Navy?”

“Laugh all you want,” was Howard’s reply, but I think it’s running again. All I need to do now is put the pipes back together.”

Howard and Miriam’s kitchen sink had clogged. A plunger and chemical drain cleaner had been of no use. And rather than call a plumber, he had chosen to disassemble the pipes and “snake out” the pipe by hand. It was smelly and disgusting work.

The plumbing reconnected, Howard turned the water on full force. After a moment’s hesitation the water began to drain quickly and cleanly. “Well done, champ!” Miriam chirped, making a toasting gesture with her coffee cup. “And no charge,” smiled Howard.

“You know, we’re very fortunate,” Miriam mused. “You mean to have an in-house plumber?” Howard asked with a smile. “Well there is that,” she admitted. “But, I was thinking more of indoor plumbing and hot and cold running water.” Howard gave her a puzzled look.

“Remember that trip we took to Kenya a couple of years ago?” she continued. “I’ve never quite gotten over people who have to live in those kinds of conditions.”

“Maybe we should go back and do something about it,” Howard replied, snapping his toolbox shut.

One important aspect of stewardship is learning to be thankful for the things we normally take for granted. Most of us slept in a bed last night, had breakfast this morning, and didn’t have to walk to work unless we wanted to.

But, a majority of the world’s population does not share those benefits. What is even more disturbing is that we probably showered or bathed in water which was of better quality than much of the world has to drink. 780 million people lack access to clean water -- more than 2 ½ times the population of the US.  3.4 million people die each year of water-related diseases. That’s about equal to the number of people in Los Angeles.  And every 21 seconds, a child dies from a water related illness.

Stewardship begins with gratitude. Gratitude means thankfulness, acknowledging everything we receive. It means living our lives, constantly aware of how much we’ve been given.

This can be sometimes difficult when we live in a state of abundance. The key is to shifts our attention from what our life seems to lack to the abundance which we already enjoy.

Dear God: Fill my life with gratitude rather than desire for the things I think I need.

If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you,’ that would suffice. ~Meister Eckhart, German theologian, philosopher and mystic (1260-1327)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

BFF

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”  ~Daisaku Ikeda, president of Sōka 

Gakkai International, a Nichiren Buddhist lay association (b 1928)

The Marine Gunnery Sergeant carefully slipped the tightly-wrapped flag into the widow’s lap. Her black dress made her appear even more pale and drawn than she actually was. She sat quietly hunched in her wheelchair; her eyes, now dry, were red from crying.

Kneeling in front of her, I solemnly offered my condolences then paid my respects to the other family members. From time to time I paused to offer assurances that their grief would gradually lift though never completely go away.

Having made the circuit of people remaining outside the church, I approached the three Marines who had performed the flag ceremony. “Thank you for protecting us,” I said. They turned toward me, surprised at first, and then smiled.

Shaking their hands, I offered them a brief blessing then headed for the Sacristy, casting one last glance at the thinning group of mourners. In the distance, I saw the widow being wheeled toward the parking lot.

Turning away, I quickly headed into the church, across the narthex, and in through the sacristy door. The communion vessels were waiting for me to perform the post Communion purification. I jokingly referred to it as ‘doing God’s dishes.’

Five minutes later I was finishing the task when Mary, the funeral coordinator, entered the sacristy.

“We’re pretty much done out there. How are we doing in here?”

“Almost done,” I replied. 

“Deacon Jim!” she responded, realizing who had answered her.  “Deacon Jim, that may have been the best funeral homily I've ever heard,” Mary effused. “You must have known him very well."

“No, not really” I replied, drying my hands. “Our paths crossed on several occasions.”

“Wow, you made it sound like he was your best friend.”

“Shouldn't he be?” I asked with a grin.

What we say about one another is important. Unfortunately, it has become increasingly common to speak badly of one another. Social media and electronic media have made it possible to spread verbal ill-will all too quickly.  In the vernacular of the day, we call this “bashing.”

When a celebrity bashes another celebrity (particularly when it is an ex-spouse or partner) it makes for entertaining news. Sadly, it has become common practice to bash neighbors, family members, public figures, communities, our country, and even others’ religion.

Some seem to think the only way to get attention, to gain an advantage, or to be seen as popular or perceptive is to point out the perceived weaknesses of others. But this kind of behavior is never appropriate.

Stewardship teaches us that as God creatures, we were all created for a reason and each of us has an inherent purpose. We are called to treat all of God’s creation with respect whether it is the environment, an unborn child, or an annoying next door neighbor.

One of the first steps in loving one another, as Jesus called us to do, is to find the good in one another. When we truly like someone, we are quick to overlook their faults and emphasize their good points.

The next time we are tempted to criticize others --  or “bash” them -- we should ask ourselves, “If I truly loved and respected this person, would I say what I’m about to say?”

Dear God: Remind me that everyone deserves to be treated as if he or she is my best friend.

“Criticism of others is thus an oblique form of self-commendation. We think we make the picture hang straight on our wall by telling our neighbors that all his pictures are crooked.”  ~Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, American Archbishop (1889-1979)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

Whose Right?

“‎Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights.” ~ John Wooden, American basketball player and coach (1910-2010)

“I saw it first!” Joel pointed as he spoke to punctuate his statement. “First come, first served, that’s the rule, Daddy-o.”

“Whose rule?” Stan responded flatly. “Last I checked, rank had its privileges. I’m a higher salary grade than you, so you need to step aside. This is mine.”

This was not the first time Stan and Joel had been at odds over which came first, longevity or seniority. This time was no different. Joel had been at the company five years longer than Stan, but Stan was a higher salary grade.

Joel decided to try a new approach. “Besides, I need the space. I have to keep all the old paper files in my cubical. I’m sure we’re violating some safety code by them being there. This one is a full foot wider. They will fit here perfectly, assuring my safety.”

“Baloney!  We’re not violating any safety regs. Besides, I need that space to meet with my staff when we do our ‘One-on-Ones.’”

“‘One-on-Ones!’ You told the admin assistant you needed the conference room for that so you could have a closed door. How are you going to close the door on a cubicle?”

Stan and Joel stood facing each other just outside the cubicle entry. “Excuse me!” came the voice, startling both of them. Marjorie, the Office Services Manager, passed quickly between them and into the cubicle. Once inside, she dropped a pile of notebooks on the desktop and plunked her laptop bag and purse in the chair.

Her two male coworkers stared at her in disbelief. “What do you think you’re doing?” they barked almost simultaneously. “Settling in,” she replied calmly.

“But I was here first,” sputtered Joel. “And I out-rank you,” exclaimed Stan.

“And I’m here to tell you both that this cubicle is slated to be relocated to another building along with 18 others.  If either of you want it, you are welcome to move in. If however, it gets relocated and your old cubicle has been occupied by someone else, you will probably end up with a desk out on the floor. Wha-da-ya-say, boys? Any takers? ” Marjorie gestured with her open hand like a carnival barker.

Joel and Stan looked at each other then back at Marjorie. “We’ll stay where we are,” they replied simultaneously and quickly disappeared.

Marjorie was placing her purse in the drawer when Joanna, her Administrative Assistant appeared in the doorway. “I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation with those two mutton-heads. This cubicle isn’t on our list to be relocated is it?”

“No,” Marjorie replied with a sly smile. “But, by the time those two yahoos figure that out, I’ll already be moved in and settled.”

We live in a world where personal rights sometimes supplant the public good. It has been referred to as the “tyranny of relevancy.” The problem with exercising our personal rights comes when we interfere with someone else exercising their personal rights. In such a case, whose rights are right?

When this occurs, as in the story of Stan, Joel and Marjorie, rights are often decided by such things such as entitlement, status, power, wealth – or sometimes by being downright devious.

Stewardship, on the other hand, operates on the basis of the common good, rather than personal rights. If we see all that we have and all that we are as gifts from a higher power, rather than rights to which we are entitled, the outcome is quite different. 

The question is, are we willing to share all that we have in order to make the world a better place, or are we going to continue to insist that the only rights that matter are our own?

Dear God: Remind me that I am only right when I am doing your will.

 “The good we secure for ourselves is precarious and uncertain until it is secured for all of us and incorporated into our common life.” ~Jane Addams, American pioneer settlement worker, founder of Hull House in Chicago, public philosopher, sociologist, author, and leader in woman suffrage and world peace.

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

Turn It Over!

“All of you will have your faith shaken…” ~Mark 14:27

During the last 24 hours of his physical life on earth, Jesus had many encounters with many different people. We will also meet a lot of people and do a lot of things this coming week.

As we enter Holy Week, we might find it helpful to ask ourselves, “Where will I meet Christ this week? Will I encounter Christ at a quiet reflective dinner with friends, or will I meet him when a close friend or coworker betrays my trust?

Perhaps I will meet Christ while praying in a quiet garden or some other contemplative place; Or perhaps when I am confronted by angry, judgmental people. 

Will I encounter Christ when I am judged by others because of my race, nationality, religion, age, sexual orientation, opinions, physical appearance or even the way I dress? Will I realize Christ’s presence whether people are cheering with me or jeering at me?

Will I meet Christ in the friend who tells me what I don’t want to hear, but need to hear? Or will I hope to find Christ in the person who only tells me what I want to hear for their own personal benefit?

Will I find him when I am with my family and friends, or when I am abandoned by all of them?

At the end of the week, will I drag my cross, laden with problems, resentments, disappointments, failures, personal tragedies, shame and unhappiness, to the top of a hill, and find that the only person there willing to help is Christ?

In that moment, in that encounter, he will smile and say, “Let me take that from you. I can handle it.”

Have a Blessed Holy Week.

“I got this Jesus tattoo on my wrist when I was 18 because I know that it’s always going to be part of me. When I’m playing, it’s staring right back at me, saying, ‘Remember where you came from.’” ~Katy Perry, American recording artist, songwriter, and actress (b 1984)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

Wake Up Call!

“We have no scar to show for happiness.” ~Chuck Palahniuk, American novelist and free-lance journalist (b. 1962)

Nicholas had lost all sense of purpose. He was a full-blown participant in the proverbial rat-race of life – and the rats were winning. The nice car, the beautiful home in the upscale neighborhood (with the “appropriate” address), the corner office with his name on the door, and all the other trappings of a successful lifestyle had only left him wanting more.

None of it brought him the satisfaction he desired. Nicholas wondered if it had ever brought him any satisfaction. “It’s like drugs,” he thought. “The more I have the more I need.”

Lately, even his wife and kids had become an annoyance. The only satisfaction he found was from his computer. He spent hours in social media sites. When he wasn’t posting, blogging, or tweeting he found himself straying into sites where he knew he shouldn’t be. It had started out innocently enough, but it had been gradually escalating.

Of late, Melissa, Nick’s wife, had been complaining that he hadn’t been spending enough time with her and their two daughters. “You’re never home,” she observed one evening. “And when you are home, you’re camped out in front of that computer of yours. I’m beginning to wonder if you have an on-line girlfriend or something.” Her last comment made Nicholas shudder because he’d recently been wondering about those kinds of sites as well.

At a friend’s suggestion, Nicholas begun seeing a counselor. Dr. Samuel was older than dirt, or so it seemed to Nicholas. The old man rarely spoke. Rather, he simply sat in his ancient leather chair, a yellow legal pad in his lap and a blue Bic pen in his hand, nodding slowly.

When he did speak it was only to ask a question. “Why do you think that is?” he would ask. Or, “Why do you think you feel that way?” And with each answer he would simply nod. It was becoming irritating!

Today was Nicholas’ fourth session with Dr. Samuel and he was not going to let him get away with just nodding for an hour. Nicholas was going to get to the bottom of what was wrong with his life. He needed to fix whatever was broken!

Nicholas was seated on the couch next to the box of tissues which always seemed to be there. Dr. Samuel settled himself into his chair. He made a quick notation on the tablet, then peered over his wire-rimmed glasses at Nicholas. “So Nick, how’s your week going so far?” (“He always starts this way,” Nicholas thought to himself).

For the next 45 minutes, he regaled the Doctor with every slight he had suffered and every irritation he had endured. “What’s the point?” he concluded. “I’m never going to be happy.”  There was a long moment of deafening silence. “Why do you say that?” replied the old doctor finally.

Nicholas exploded! “What the hell am I paying you for? I can get a recording of your voice for all the good your doing me and for a lot less money! If you’re really a counselor, you need to start counseling or I’m outa here!”

Dr. Samuel waited patiently for Nicholas to finish his diatribe. He set his tablet and pen aside and folded his old, leathery hands in his lap. “Nick, there is a big difference between advice and counseling.  Advice means telling you what you should do. Counseling is helping you find out why you are who you are. I’m a counselor, not an advisor. That’s why you pay me what you pay me.  To counsel you.”

Silence returned, except for the “tock, tock, tock” of old pendulum clock on the wall. Dr. Samuel’s could tell his answer had not satisfied Nicholas in the least. “If it’s advice you want, I’ll give you some advice. Is that what want?” After a long pause Nicholas nodded assent.

Dr. Samuels paused and wet his lips. “You need to wake up. You are asleep and you need to wake up, before death wakes you up.”

With that the wise old man picked up his tablet and pen. “Now, shall we continue?”

There is a difference living successfully and a successful life. Most of us measure success by upward mobility and the acquisition of possessions. If I am progressing socially upward and can purchase the things I want, then I should be happy.  When we rely on possessions and status to make us happy, however, the only way we can continue to be happy is by continuing to raise our status and/or by buying more and better things.

Possessions are not the problem though. But for some of us, they are the symptom of a much deeper problem. Happiness does not come from getting what we want, but from wanting what we have.

Many of us go through life suffering from a kind of spiritual death. Often it takes an encounter with physical death to remind us that all glory is fleeting and all possessions eventually turn to dust. Joy comes from within and is always within our immediate grasp.

This was the “advice” Dr. Samuel gave Nicholas. Wake up to the joy within you. Otherwise, you won’t realize what is really important until you face physical death.

Dear God: Help me to wake up – now!

“You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.”  ~Albert Camus, French author, journalist and philosopher (1913-1960)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

Certain Doubt

"You can only apprehend the Infinite by a faculty that is superior to reason." ~ Plotinus, Mafor philosopher of the ancient world (204/50-270 CE)

“That just can’t be true!” Elias rocked back in his seat and folded his arms in disbelief. His college biology professor, Dr Hosea, peered at him over his dark, horn-rimmed glasses. “Why can’t it be true?” the wizen old professor asked. “This is the 21^st century!” Elias shot back. “How can you say we don’t know where babies come from?”

Dr. Hosea smiled to himself. “I never said we didn’t know where babies come from. I said, we didn’t know what caused them to be born.” The professor secretly liked his sometimes impulsive student. His agile mind and quick-wittedness reminded Dr. Hosea of when he was a young biology student. But the boy’s edginess could also be irritating at times.

He scanned the rest of the class. “It’s two o’clock. We’ll resume again on Thursday,” he announced. “Don’t forget that your projects are due. Elias, could you stop on your way out?”

Elias slung his backpack over his shoulder and sauntered up to Dr. Hosea. “What’s up, Professor?” he asked casually. “Mostly everything,” the professor replied as he placed his notes in his briefcase. Elias didn’t get the joke.

The professor snapped his briefcase shut and set it upright on the desk. “Elias, you are a bright young man and will probably make a pretty good research scientist someday.” This sudden observation by “the Prof” caught Elias off-guard. “But to accomplish that, you need to work on your thinking processes; otherwise you will be perennially frustrated.”

The young man tried to interject a comment but Dr. Hosea pressed on. “All of us are aware from whence babies come. We also know that the birthing process is caused by a hormone which is released into the mother’s system which triggers labor. What we don’t know is how the brain knows when to tell the body to excrete the hormone. In other words, how does the brain know the baby is ready to be born?”

“Well, thanks for that clarification,” Elias responded as he adjusted his backpack and headed for the door.

“That’s not my point.” Dr. Hosea said quickly, stopping Elias with his words. Elias turned to face the old man once more. “What is the point?” he asked impatiently.

“The point is, if you are going to be a first-rate researcher, you are going to have to learn to embrace uncertainty.” There was a glint in the old man’s eye. “Seriously?” Elias shot back. “Science is about certainty, not uncertainty!”

“Au contraire, it is uncertainty which keeps us in business. The more unanswered questions we have, the better off we are. Uncertainty is not our enemy; it is our ally. If you are going to be a great researcher, you must learn not only to embrace uncertainty, but to welcome it.”

Elias wondered if he had unwittingly stumbled into Philosophy 101. Maybe his old professor had finally gone “round the bend,” mentally speaking. “I thought it was the scientist’s job to eliminate questions and uncertainty. If I am to embrace them as you say, what do I rely on?”

Without a word Dr. Hosea picked up his battered old briefcase and headed for the door. At the doorway, he stopped and turned to face Elias. “What do you rely on when you have more questions than answers? Faith, my boy! Rely on faith!” With that, he disappeared out the door, leaving behind a perplexed Elias wondering what he meant.

The Letter to the Hebrews describes faith as “the evidence of things unseen” (Hebrews 11:1). Science and religion are often seen as being at odds with one another. Science relies on what can be proven, measured, tested and observed. Faith, on the other hand, relies on none of these things.

We can offer explanations of why we have faith in an unseen entity we refer to as “God,” but empirical proof of this entity is sparse, if not non-existent. As the writer of Hebrews puts it, our evidence that God exists is our faith in this unseen God.

Ironically, those of us who have faith in a supreme being often don’t seem to tolerate uncertainty very well. When unanswered questions arise, we are quick to employ literal interpretations of scripture or church law. Historically, the result of this approach has been the justification of atrocities such as slavery and the subjugation of women.

Science, on the other hand, approaches unanswered questions with relish. They are seen as opportunities to grow, rather than distractions which must be quickly dispatched.

Uncertainty is not a threat to faith. Christians, like scientists should also see questions and uncertainty as opportunities for growth – as a means of deepening our faith.

Dr. Hosea’s response to Elias is prophetic. “The more unanswered questions we have, the better off we are. Uncertainty is not our enemy, it is our ally. If [we] are going to be a [great Christian we] must learn, not only to embrace uncertainty, but to welcome it.”

Dear God: Help me to be satisfied with the things I know and the things I don’t know.

“In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.” ~Blaise Pascal, French mathematician, physicist, inventor, writer and Christian philosopher (1623-1662)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.