No Matter What!

“Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired,”
~Terri (age 4)

(Email dated 11/17/2011)

From the heart:

From the time my first son turned 14, I soon realized that putting a guitar in a boy’s hand (and perhaps girls too, I just don’t have any girl children) is just like giving them their first dump truck… They take to it like a duck to water!!  But, when I looked into the price of guitar lessons, I soon realized that was not in my disposable income price range… The braces on my children’s teeth took care of that!! 

My oldest son took free lessons in a guitar class held by his High School but my younger son had no such opportunity.  I heard about a national program called “Guitars Not Guns.”  This program gives children a creative outlet to showcase their talents in a positive way as well as gives them mentors and builds their connections to the community. 

The first class that I took my son to was amazing!  It was taught by a 16-year old with a Mohawk!!  My kid was hooked, this wasn’t some adult saying… play this, this was a cool dude sporting a Mohawk!! To top it off, I found out if each participating child attends all 6 classes, they walk away with a guitar of their very own to bring home and to keep them motivated to play guitar rather than roam the streets. 

This is all great, right?  But… something else happened… there were two little boys, one was 11 and one was 13.  The 13 year old hovered over the 11 year old (as in protecting) and did all the talking.  I introduced myself to the boys and of course gravitated right to the shy one. 

After exchanging a few smiles, and getting closer and closer to him… he spoke to me.  He asked me, “Are you going to be here next time too?”  If you want me to be then I will, is what I told him. 

Before class was over, a disheveled woman with sadness and pain in her eyes and features, rushed in to collect these two boys as though they were laundry being picked up in a rush from the cleaners.  It was awkward and sudden and felt wrong to me.  I also thought it was a shame that she couldn’t wait 15 minutes and let her sons finish class.  I wanted to help her, but felt powerless. 

When she left, the program director told me that she had just gotten custody back and the boys had been in foster care for several months until just a couple days prior. 

My heart went out to those boys, especially the shy one. Before the little one left, he ran up to me and wrapped his arms around my leg… of all things, as in a kind of awkward and low hug… it was adorable and I melted!  He said, “See you next time!”

I came into work the next day and told everyone about this class and these two adorable boys that I couldn’t wait to see next session!!  I could still feel the little squeeze of a hug on my leg and those brown eyes looking up at me, almost pleading like.

The next class I was there with treats even!!  Some granola bars and some juice to surprise my new friends with…  I waited and waited.  My son sat and played and learned from the cool teen instructor… And I watched out the window.  Those boys never came back… Ever…

A couple weeks later after doing my best to investigate the situation and find these boys… I was told that once again they were in foster care.  Due to confidentiality, that was all I could know.  I quickly sent a “Guitars Not Guns” program brochure and schedule to every foster care agency in my area… but I have never seen either of those boys again…

Tragedy, right???  Not so much because somewhere there is a little boy that knows that the Y is here to support him and the people that work for the Y and wear the funny Y logos are here to love him. I vow to be that one source of light, even if it’s fleeting…. to every child who needs to know that someone cares.  I will never stop caring, even if I never see Joshua again.  

And that’s from my heart!! XO ~Taurie, Golden State YMCA

Stewardship is not about taking time out to do stewardly things. Rather it is about living our lives as Christian Stewards 24/7/365. This comes from the recognition that all our time on this earth is God’s time. But even the best of us need reminders.

One of those reminders comes through our signs and symbols. Symbols are not always specifically religious however. Because of Taurie, the Y logo became a symbol of something good, reassuring and meaningful to an eleven year old boy.

As Christians we often display crosses or a crucifix. Our crosses remind us that God loves us, NO MATTER WHAT, profoundly demonstrated by allowing His Son to die for us. In turn, we too are called to love others, NO MATTER WHAT.

As we enter this new year, let us resolve ourselves to be like Taurie - to be a light to others, to the world. To care when no one else seems to and to know, that sometimes no matter what we do, or how hard we try, things will not play out the way we had hoped. But above all, to NEVER STOP CARING! We may well be the only light in the life of another.

Dear God: Bless everyone in whatever it is that you know they may need this day.

“Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.” ~Bobby (age 7)

 © 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.

“90 Second Stewardship”  All rights are reserved.  You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” is included along with this message.  Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections.  If written approval is given the ”© 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message. 

Are All Welcome?

“A smile is the universal welcome.” ~Max Eastman, American author, journalist and writer (1883-1969)

John Q was a Catholic in name only. Baptized in a Catholic church, his parents had forced him to attend confirmation classes even though they never really went to Mass themselves. Occasionally they would attend a Christmas Midnight Mass or an Easter service.

John’s dad was fond of having a few too many “toddies” during Christmas Eve dinner. Then off they would go to Mass. His dad, still smelling of booze, would always nod off during the sermon. One year, he snored so loudly, the priest actually stopped mid sentence. That was the last time they ever went to Midnight Mass.

Now, at 37 years of age, John Q, for the first time in a long time, found himself outside a Catholic church – and on Christmas Eve no less. His divorce from his second wife had been final only a month earlier; his kids were spending Christmas with their Mom (his first wife) and her new husband. John’s girlfriend, a secular Jew, was back in New York, visiting her family.

The office party had ended an hour or so earlier. Rather than drive home to an empty apartment, John had chosen to walk for a while to “clear his head,” and had ended up here. Even before tonight, he had felt an emptiness in his life that he couldn’t seem to fill. His efforts to find meaning and solace had failed. So here he stood, alone on Christmas Eve, in front of a Catholic Church.

 He was invisible amidst the clamor of people coming to Christmas Eve services. Laughter was all around him as people greeted one another on their way up the broad stone stairs. With his hands stuffed deep into the pockets of his black pea coat he wondered if there was an open bar close by. Maybe his dad always had one too many at Christmas just to fortify his courage to go to Mass.   

“What am I doing here anyway?” he thought. The answer came back quietly but distinctly: “I’m here because I have nowhere else to go.” People were rushing in through the church doors now. Mass was about to begin. He could hear the organ playing and a familiar hymn being sung. His right foot rested uneasily on the bottommost step. 

He looked back the way he had come. The streetlights seemed to dim for a moment. The siren song of the secular world tugged at him. “Surly there must be a bar or restaurant open close by” he thought. His focus returned to the church door and the music flowing from it; his weight shifting from one foot to the other…

Will John Q go in? More importantly, how will he be received if he does?

  The “average Joe” no longer resides in a nuclear household (a married couple with their own children). In fact, we are not only ethnically diverse, we have become a nation of diverse living arrangements, too. Singles constitute 25.5% of households, the number of nuclear families has decreased 40%, and the divorce rate is skyrocketing and the marriage rate is dropping. The only truism is that most Americans will marry at least once in their lifetime, with the first marriage most likely ending in divorce. 

So what message do we give (twice-divorced, single) John when he enters a church service celebrating a nuclear family: Jesus, Mary and Joseph? Jesus’ birth family may have been well-rounded in appearance, but consider this: Mary was pregnant out of wedlock and Joseph nearly divorced her. And we often forget that Mary was a single Mom most of her life.

Nor did Jesus hang out in the suburbs with nice “normal” church-going families. He was a blue color, single guy. He saved an adulteress from stoning. The Samaritan woman he engaged at the well lived with a man out of wedlock.

Jesus ate with tax collectors and prostitutes. He even hung out at the docks and in the rough part of town. In short, Jesus broke boundaries, he didn’t create them. He welcomed and engaged everybody, regardless of who they were or how it reflected upon him.

We often joke about the “CEO Catholics” (those who attend at Christmas and Easter only), but why do they keep returning to our doors every year? What keeps them coming back? It is simply this: they are not finding the spiritual sustenance they need in the world. Like John Q, nothing seems to satisfy the emptiness in their lives. But what do we have to offer them instead?

As Christian stewards, what are we doing to welcome those “CEO’s”? How are we communicating to them that they are welcome at our parish or in our homes? Are we the loving father of the prodigal son, welcoming them with open arms, running out to greet them? Or, are we the resentful older brother, who, because we never left (our church), feel entitled. Are we breaking boundaries, or are we creating artificial ones?

This Christmas I ask you – I challenge you – to say hello to someone you don’t recognize at church. Greet people outside, as well as inside.

 Does John Q go up the stairs and enter the church on Christmas Eve? It might be your greeting or “Merry Christmas” or a thoughtful “How are you?” that makes the difference. We need to be like Jesus, welcoming everyone.  We need to be the face of Christ to the world.

 Dear God: When it comes to welcoming people, let me be a boundary breaker.

  “The church is the great lost and found department.”  ~ Rev. Robert L. Short, Presbyterian minister and writer (1932-2009)

  © 2010 & 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.

“90 Second Stewardship” All rights are reserved.  You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2010 & 2011James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” is included along with this message.  Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections.  If written approval is given the ”© 2010 & 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message.

Scrooged

“There is never enough time to do or say all the things that we would wish. The thing is to try to do as much as you can in the time that you have. Remember Scrooge, time is short, and suddenly, you're not here anymore.” ~ The Spirit of Christmas Present (“Scrooge” 1970)

In 1843, Charles Dickens wrote A Christmas Carol. It was one of a series of successful Christmas books by Dickens which he described as “a whimsical sort of masque intended to awaken loving and forbearing thoughts.”  There have been at least ten movie versions of this classic tale, the first in 1938 and the most recent being released in 2009.  These include a Muppet, a Mickey Mouse and a 3D version. 

Why do we keep returning to this endearing tale of the reformation of the irritable miser, Ebenezer Scrooge?  It is because, beneath the sarcasm and cruel remarks (“then let them die and reduce the surplus population”), he is us.  He is obsessed with work and the acquisition of money.

Scrooge is defined by his work to the point of sacrificing his one true love. “And as your business prospered, Ebenezer Scrooge, a golden idol took possession of your heart, as Alice said it would” (The Spirit of Christmas Past).

Most of us define ourselves more by our work than by any other single factor. 

When the World Trade Center Memorial Foundation announced that victims' names would be displayed, without specifying the company they worked for, a group of their families denounced the plan, saying it robbed victims “of the human qualities that rallied and sustained the nation.”  

Why do we do this?  Why don’t people ask to be identified as “a parent” or as “a Christian”? Why do we define ourselves by our jobs rather than by who we are or what we believe?

First, because it is the easiest way to measure our success at living life – a way of keeping score.  Rather than being happy, we try to quantify our happiness: i.e. I have a really good job where I spend a lot of time.  It helps me have more money, a bigger house, a nicer car and more stuff; therefore I must be happy. 

On the other hand, Jesus was essentially an itinerant preacher from a poor family who lived, on the “other side of the tracks” in Galilee.  He died a humiliating and excruciating death.  How would you measure his success?

Second, it is our way of exercising control.  If I can acquire it, I can control it. Money, power, possessions and prestige are manifestations of successful living which seem to allow us to say, “I have got this life thing licked.” 

Jesus, however, reminds us we have no control.  “But God said to him, ' You fool! This very night your soul is required of you; and now who will own what you have prepared?' (Luke 12:20). 

This is the important lesson Ebenezer learns on a snowy Christmas Eve. Scrooge’s obsessive quest for success, defined by his work and accumulation of riches and wealth, does not garner him happiness. Quite the opposite. Staring into his own open grave, he realizes that his life, which is filled with success and money, has been empty. I doubt any of us would choose a tombstone inscription which reads, “I should have spent more time at the office.” 

After this epiphany, what changes on Christmas morning for Ebenezer?  He is just as wealthy.  He still owns his business, to which he will undoubtedly return the next day.  What makes him go from miserable and miserly to merry and generous overnight? 

HE BECOMES A STEWARD!!!  A Christian Steward is “One who receives God’s gifts gratefully, cherishes and tends them in a responsible and accountable manner, shares them in justice and love with others, and returns them with increase to the Lord” (Stewardship, A Disciple’s Response).

Scrooge accepts God’s gift of life gratefully and, more importantly, he recognizes the gift of the “opportunity to change” his life, a gift which all of us receive.  For the rest of the story Ebenezer goes about “cherishing and tending” his many gifts “in a responsible and accountable manner” and “sharing them in justice and love with others.”

He begins by making amends to those he has harmed, starting with his nephew.  As the story comes to an end, he sets about restoring Bob Crachit’s life and livelihood. And, we are pretty much assured he will make sure Tiny Tim gets the necessary medical attention he needs.   

To paraphrase Tiny Tim “God has blessed us, every one.”  How will we define ourselves this coming year?  More importantly, how will we keep Christmas in our hearts 24/7/365? 

Dear God: remind us that you have blessed us, every one.

“Mortal! We Spirits of Christmas do not live only one day of our year. We live the whole three-hundred and sixty-five. So is it true of the Child born in Bethlehem. He does not live in men's hearts one day of the year, but in all days of the year. You have chosen not to seek Him in your heart. Therefore, you will come with me and seek Him in the hearts of men of good will.” ~The Spirit of Christmas Present (“A Christmas Carol” 1951)

 © 2008, 2009, 2010 & 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.

“90 Second Stewardship”  All rights are reserved.  You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2008, 2009,  2010 & 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” is included along with this message.  Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections.  If written approval is given the”© 2008, 2009, 2010& 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message.

Living to Work

“Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.” ~Oscar Wilde, Irish poet, novelist, dramatist and critic (1854-1900)

Babushka kept her son’s toys stored away in a cupboard. He had died unexpectedly in infancy. Daily she busied herself tending house – cooking, cleaning, baking, washing… One morning there was a knock at the door.  She opened it to find the three Kings, the Magi. 

Since they traveled by night (to follow the star) they asked if they could sleep at Babushka’s house for the day as there was no inn in the small town.  Babushka fed them and gave them a place to sleep until the sun set and the star reappeared.

As the Magi were preparing to leave that evening, Balthazar invited Babushka to come with them to find a new king they were seeking. Unfortunately she was “too busy” and, after all, she would need time to find “an appropriate gift.”

After the Magi departed, Babushka resumed doing those things with which she was most comfortable – sweeping, polishing, dusting, cleaning – but Balthazar’s invitation continued to tug at her.  A thought came to her. She went to the cupboard where her son’s toys were stored and opened the door. 

After some consideration, Babushka decided the toys would make good gifts for the “new born King,” but, of course, they needed to be thoroughly cleaned first.  She spent the rest of the night cleaning and polishing the toys.  Once finished, she planned to leave in the morning, overtaking the Magi while they slept during the day.

Daybreak came. The toys looked like new, but exhausted from her work, Babushka fell asleep and did not awake until after nightfall. Realizing she was now almost two days behind the Magi, she quickly packed up the toys and rushed out to find the three Kings. 

She followed their path from village to village, but arrived in Bethlehem too late. The Magi had “gone home another way” to avoid Herod.  Likewise, Joseph had spirited Mary and the baby Jesus away to Egypt to escape the “slaughter of the innocence”. 

Not knowing what else to do Babushka began to wander the world, and continues to do so every Christmas Eve.  Still carrying her bag of toys, she gives them to small children in the hope that one of them is the Christ child. 

Babushka, in modern terms, is a workaholic.  When Balthazar offers Babushka the opportunity to come along to find the Christ child she is “too busy" with what she sees as important: her work. 

Work is more than just work, however.  As it is for most of us, it is her security blanket.  Going to find the baby Jesus means doing something with which she is unaccustomed.  It means stepping out of her comfort zone. 

As Americans we often define ourselves by our work.  Like Babushka, work makes us feel secure because we know what we are supposed to do and how we are supposed to do it. It is also a coping mechanism. Babushka addresses the pain of losing her infant son by distracting herself with work. 

The difficulty is that we are often so busy with our work, with what we think is important, that we fail to hear God’s call.  Sometimes we are called to set aside life’s distractions, particularly our work: “‘Follow Me, and I will make you fishers of men.’ Immediately they left their nets and followed Him.” (Mark 4:18)

As good stewards of our time, we are called upon to find a balance in our lives.  If we are going to follow Jesus we are, at times, going to have to set some things aside.  In a way, Jesus is saying, “Put down your nets before you get tangled in them.” We can become entangled in the net we call work, so much so that we do not know any other way to function. 

As Christian Stewards we know time is a gift from God and how we use that gift is important. How will we spend Christmas this year?  Will we be too busy with other things to notice our greatest gifts?  Will we become entangled in our own nets and complain we are too busy? 

Will we allow old resentments, fears and hurts to hold us back from experiencing the love which is readily available to us?  Will we be like Babushka who is so distracted by her work she ultimately encounters an empty stable and spends the rest of her days trying to find happiness? 

Put down your nets this Christmas and come to the manger. Jesus is waiting for you.

Dear Lord, remind me your Son calls me to something greater than myself.

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important” Bertrand Russell, English logician and philosopher (1872-1970)

(Babushka is the Russian version of Santa Claus.)

 © 2009 and 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.

 “90 Second Stewardship” is a reflection on being a Christian Steward in a secular and sometimes harsh world. This reflection is written by James E. Carper, Director of Development for the Southeast Ventura County YMCA in Ventura County, California  All rights are reserved.  You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” is included along with this message.  Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections.  If written approval is given the ”© 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message.

Rich in Gratitude

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought; and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” ~G.K. Chesterton, English journalist, novelist and essayist (1874-1936)

The king was riding in the northern woods of his kingdom when he came upon his old gamekeeper Yorick. Yorick was as ancient as the woods themselves. Kneeling on his cloak he appeared to be praying. The king’s horse snorted, startling the old man.

At once he came to his feet, turned and bowed to greet his master. “Milord,” he said with a crinkled smile. “My apologies, I did not hear you ride up.” “I was preparing to eat my mid day meal and was busy thanking our good and wonderful God for my many blessings.”

On the old man’s cloak lay a single piece of crusty bread, a bit of cheese and a small portion of dried jerky. “Is all well here in my woods?” asked the king. “Yes, Milord,” came the response. “Then return to your meal old man,” he replied.

“Thank you Milord.” Yorick turned, fell to his knees, and returned to his prayers.

The king watched him for a few moments, marveling how someone could be so grateful for so little. Then reining his horse around, he left.

The king returned to his castle near dusk. As he was dismounting his horse his Seer came running out into the courtyard.

“Milord, I must speak to you immediately.”

“What is it fortune teller?” the king asked bruskly.

“I have had a dream, a vision.” 

“What has this to do with me?”

“I dreamed the richest man in the kingdom would die tonight.”

The king paled. “This could only be me.”

Dismissing the Seer, he immediately retreated to his chambers summoning the royal physician and the priest. The priest was instructed to pray while the physician performed a complete examination. It yielded nothing. “There seems to be nothing wrong with you,” he kept repeating.

Through the night the king paced, the priest prayed, and the physician made periodic examinations. Nothing happened.

Finally, as the sun was rising, the king dismissed the priest and the physician and ordered a hearty breakfast. As he was eating, a knock came at the door. “Enter!” he barked.

The door opened and a servant stepped into a bedroom chamber. “Milord,” he said with a curt bow. “Your faithful gamekeeper, old Yorick, died during the night. We thought you should know.”

“Make sure he is properly buried. Now let me finish my breakfast in peace.”

“Yes, Milord.” Another curt bow and the servant vanished through the doorway.

As he ate the king pondered the fate of his misguided Seer. “How could he have gotten it wrong?” “How foolish to confuse the ancient gamekeeper with the richest man in the kingdom!”

Positions, power, possessions and prestige may provide us with temporary satisfaction, but in and of themselves they can never make us happy. More often than not we are materially rich, but spiritually poor. To fully experience the richness of life we must first develop a sense of gratitude for everything we have. Wealth may give us a false sense of security, but it doesn’t give us joy.

To be happy we must first cultivate a sense of gratitude within ourselves. All too often, gratitude is replaced with a sense of entitlement. We tell ourselves we deserve something; after all we earned it didn’t we? But entitlement can only lead to unhappiness when we don’t get what we think we deserve.

What if tomorrow you awoke to discover that the only things you had, were the things for which you had been grateful the day before? Everything we have is a gift from God. Gifts require our gratitude. The power of love is that we are loved though we do not deserve it nor are we entitled to it. God’s love is our greatest gift.

The Seer wasn’t wrong. Yorick was the richest man in the kingdom, not because of the sum total of his possessions, but because his gratitude exceeded even those who had much more than he.

It is our gratitude which, in the end, brings us joy and makes us rich. 

God, make me grateful today…for everything.

“As each day comes to us refreshed and anew, so does my gratitude renew itself daily. The breaking of the sun over the horizon is my grateful heart dawning upon a blessed world.” ~Terri Guillemets, American quotation anthologist (b. 1973)

© 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.

 “90 Second Stewardship” is a reflection on being a Christian Steward in a secular and sometimes harsh world. This reflection is written by James E. Carper, Director of Development for the Southeast Ventura County YMCA in Ventura County, California  All rights are reserved.  You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” is included along with this message.  Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections.  If written approval is given the ”© 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message.