Eternally Grateful

“Instant gratification is not soon enough.” ~Meryl Streep, American actress (b 1949)

It was sleek, shiny, black and really, really big. It was something to be both admired and envied at the same time. In our case, it was mostly envy. Bob had brought home a brand new monster SUV complete with spinner hubcaps. It was so big it seemed a small family could have moved in quite comfortably. He had strategically positioned the vehicle in his driveway so it could be seen, regardless of which direction one was driving.

Bob called it his “Babe Magnet.” Ironically the only people attracted to the car at the moment were the men of the neighborhood. The hood was propped open with five male heads peering inside. I couldn’t help but wonder to myself how Bob could afford this gas guzzler. He was a tradesman and his wife worked in the local elementary school office.

“It’s got a Vortec 6.0L V8 engine and a 300-volt battery pack,” Bob was saying. “Since it’s a Hybrid it’ll get 23 mpg highway and it utilizes a strong coil-over-shock front suspension for a tight turning radius and a smooth ride.” “Bob sounds like a Super Bowl Commercial,” I thought to myself.

“Sweet ride Bob,” someone crooned. “Yeah nice wheels,” responded another. “Can I take it camping next week? It could sleep my family of five.” We all laughed.

Bob finished the tour with a demonstration of the sound system. As “Paint it Black” by the Rolling Stones boomed over the Bose Centerpoint Speaker System, we congratulated Bob on his purchase while secretly wondering to ourselves how he could afford it.

Bob was obviously enjoying the attention. “Now it’s time to break it in,” he announced with a flourish pulling the keys from his pocket. We all anticipated we would be invited to climb aboard for a test drive. Instead, to our surprise and bewilderment, Bob walked purposefully to the back of the vehicle and made a small scratch in the left rear quarter panel with his key.

We all gasp. “Wadya do that for?” someone exclaimed. Bob turned to face us. In a voice, that sounded a bit too much like an evangelical preacher, he explained: “Sooner or later this beautiful beast is going to get a door ding or a scratch on it.” It always upsets me when that happens to a new car; so this way, if I do it myself, I never have to worry about getting that first mark on the finish. Understand?” Frankly, we didn’t.

It is all too easy to mistake gratification for gratitude.

Gratification is “the act of pleasing or satisfying oneself, especially the gratifying of one's own impulses, needs, or desires.” Like drugs or alcohol the initial effect is pleasant, even euphoric. But, with the first scratch, the first stain or simple familiarity, the effect quickly dissipates.

Most of us would be satisfied with being happy; even if we were happy only some of the time. Unfortunately, happiness borne out of gratification is, at best, shallow and short-lived. Possessions, as nice as they are, provide us with a sense of gratification, but will never provide us with happiness.

Jean Baptiste Massieu once described gratitude as “the memory of the heart.” Unlike gratification, which arises out of individual experience, gratitude is a state of being. In other words, gratitude is an attitude.

True gratitude arises out of a realization that everything is a gift from God; even the breath we just took and the next. When, by the grace of God, we receive His gifts gratefully, we will find ourselves living a life filled with gratitude. It is an attitude which sustains us in good times and in bad, even when our new car gets scratched.

Dear God: Remind me that gratified is not satisfied.

“When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?” ~G.K. Chesterton, English writer and Christian apologist (1874 – 1936)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

“90 Second Stewardship”  All rights are reserved. You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” is included along with this message. Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections. If written approval is given the “© 2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message.

Workaholism

“Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.” ~Oscar Wilde, Irish poet, novelist, dramatist and critic (1854-1900)

Aaron sat at his desk, staring at the pile of work that lay before him. He was only half listening to his wife, Mindy, who was on the other end of what seemed like a one-way conversation. “I know Nathan likes me to watch him play soccer, but he’s only six for God’s sake.” The words were out of his mouth before he realized he had said them.

Mindy launched another verbal offensive. Aaron continued staring at his desk, occasionally glancing impatiently at his watch. He needed to get this project done this evening. The boss had asked about it twice this week already. “How’s it goin’ with that development project you’ve been workin’ on for me?” he had said punctuated his statement with a slap on the back.

“So are you coming to Nathan’s soccer game or not?” Aaron barely heard his wife. “Mindy, how many times do I have to tell you, I need to work on this project! It’s important!” “So is our son,” she replied tersely.  “So is my job,” he fired back. “Or have you forgotten whose paycheck pays most of the bills?”

This was going badly and getting worse by the moment. “Look, the sooner I hang up and get to work, the sooner I can come home this evening.” His voice hung there in silence. “Mindy?” he asked quietly, “Are you still there?” “I’ll see you when you get home,” she replied finally and clicked off.

Aaron now had two things to fret about, the project which lay in front of him and his marriage. “Didn’t Mindy understand how important this job was?” he thought. “What if I lose it, then what?” Fear started to well up inside of him. He was in a “lose-lose” situation.

Then he remembered how he had felt as a boy. His Dad was a construction worker and took jobs when they came. He was frequently gone, and Aaron remembered what it was like when his Dad didn’t show up for his baseball games. The memories stung him.

He should call Mindy back, apologize, and tell her he was coming to the game, he thought. The project could wait till the morning. He would come in early and get it hammered out before anyone else came in.

His finger hovered over the redial button. Another wave of anxiety flowed over him like an acid bath. What if his boss came in early too? The lyrics of a song played in his head –“Should I stay or should I go?”

The term “addict” brings to mind images of the wino lying in the gutter or the junkie in a back alley with a needle sticking out of his arm. Both images are harsh realities in our modern world. Drugs and alcohol are not, however, the only addictions in today’s society. Addictions are not fueled by the object of the addiction. Rather they are driven by the feelings of fear, anxiety, and inadequacy that the alcohol or drug masks or suppresses.

Drugs and alcohol are not the problem. Trying to live our lives is the problem. Drugs and alcohol are solutions, and not very good ones at that.

Like many of us, Aaron is a workaholic. He is, in fact, addicted to work. Fueled by his fear of losing his job, work provides him with a sense of value and security. He fools himself into believing “if I’m here I must be needed, and if I am needed, I can’t lose my job.” The job gives him a false sense of purpose. It is his “not very good solution” to life.

As grateful stewards, we trust that we are created by a loving God who has a special purpose for each one of us. This “calling” requires some discernment and the cultivation of our gifts, but it also gives us a wonderful sense of value – a sense that we belong to something much bigger than ourselves.

We are called to be happy, joyous and free; something we can’t find working late at the office. But, it might be something we find spending evenings with our loved ones or watching our sons or daughters play soccer.

What things in our life prevent us from being happy, joyous and free?

Dear God: Help me to live my life in balance.

“The chains of habit are generally too small to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” ~ Samuel Johnson, poet, essayist, moralist, literary critic, biographer, editor and lexicographer (1709-1784)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

 

 

Control Freaks

“Sometimes, there is a lot of darkness in this world. As I see it, you have two choices. You can be a part of that darkness or you can be the light. Be the light.” ~Tom Giaquinto, American author.

It was 5:27 AM the day after New Year’s.  Darkness still enveloped the neighborhood. Except for the very occasional car, our street was quiet to the point of silence.

I could hear the quiet hum of my laptop as I stared at the screen in shock and amazement. My eyes blinked only occasionally in amazement as I sat there in stunned meditation.

Several months earlier I had begun working with a social media guru (and friend) to help increase my “electronic presence.” The plan was to lay the ground work before I published a book and to generate a few more speaking engagements. At the very least it would help me find a job, something I was lacking at the moment.

The result was two websites, a blog, a Facebook page, Google-plus circles, a LinkedIn account and, of course, a Twitter profile. At first it had been interesting and fun, connecting and communicating with people around the globe. But, there was an aspect to it all that I had not anticipated. This dark, quiet morning, I had been made horribly aware of the more serious side of making my electronic presence felt.

I had “tweeted” a comment about accepting God in one’s life. A number of positive comments and “retweets” had bolstered my resolve to Tweet more. Now, I wasn’t so sure.

There on screen, in response to my “God Tweet” was the following statement: “If you believe Jesus was anything but a Jew on a stick, you are simply delusional.”

I typed three different responses, ranging from confrontational to conciliatory, and then promptly deleted each one in turn. My finger hovered over the delete key for only a moment before I sent the offensive tweet into electronic oblivion. I vowed to be more careful in the future.

People often fear what they cannot control, or at the very least, what they can’t explain.  Accepting that there is a supreme Power at work in our lives means, among other things, that we are not in control. Those of us who are people of faith welcome a gracious and loving supreme being. But not everybody does.

Unfortunately those who are unwilling to accept this "higher power," often express their fears through ridicule or derision. Sadly they are like the little boy who quickly passes his hand through the flame of a candle and is proud because he wasn't burned. He doesn't realize the fire could have easily consumed him.

The irony is that the best -- and perhaps the only -- response is to be the best possible example of what it means to be a person of faith. In short, that means we are called to love the offending parties even when they are the most offensive.  One aspect of being a good steward of our faith is loving those who seem the most unlovable. And sometimes, this is someone who is critical of our beliefs.

We are called, not to escalate, but to expiate. We are called to be living witnesses to our faith.

Dear God: Remind me I don’t have to like them; I just have to love them.

“There is trust in there being a Spirit who loves me and wants me to have love in my life. I trust in this higher power, it is what keeps me moving forward no matter what happens.” ~Kenny Loggins, American singer and songwriter (b 1948)

©2012 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

“90 Second Stewardship” All rights are reserved. You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2012 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” is included along with this message. Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections. If written approval is given the “© 2012 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message.