Successful Love

“I firmly believe that our salvation depends on the poor.”~ Dorothy Day, American journalist, social activist, distributist, and devout Catholic convert (1897-1980)


Anne sat at the lunch room table caressing her cup of coffee. She usually spent her breaks at her desk, working, drinking from the thermos of coffee she brought from home. But today she had caught a break and was happily sitting with a few of her coworkers enjoying a cup of fresh, hot coffee. Their entertaining banter had flitted from subject to subject covering everything from the president’s health care initiative to the latest celebrity’s public faux paux. A brief silence had fallen over the table and Anne was enjoying just sitting there quietly…breathing in calm and exhaling stress.


“How’s that Deacon thing going,” Margie asked suddenly. “It’s really remarkable,” Anne replied. “Is it just classroom studies,” inquired Rajit. “No, we do projects too.” “In fact, we served dinner at a homeless shelter the day after Christmas,” Anne replied, and proceeded to recount the details of her experience.


“Homeless people?” Estelle interjected suddenly. “I keep my distance from those people.” “There all just a bunch of crazies and drug addicts.” “If they ask me for money on the street, I just walk on by.” “They’re just going to use it for drugs or alcohol anyway.” The rest of the people at the table nodded agreement, sharing similar sentiments. Some recounted stories of encounters with the homeless and the clever ruses they had used to escape them. Anne sat quietly staring at her coffee cup. Suddenly, coffee break wasn’t so enjoyable.


“Well, you’re a better person than I am,” sighed Estelle, getting up to leave. “Just be careful out there, Honey.” Shortly thereafter Anne excused herself also and headed back to her desk, wondering what had just happened. Right now, breaks at her desk were looking better and better.


In fairness to Anne’s coworkers, mental illness and substance abuse have often been identified as the most common causes of homelessness. But recent statistics indicate there are other growing issues contributing to homelessness in America. Lack of affordable housing, no health insurance coverage, unemployment, low paying jobs, domestic violence, loss of public assistance programs, and Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) are also significant factors which have lead to the marked rise in homelessness. In addition, there are more senior citizens and families with children being displaced from there homes by the current financial crisis. In short, “Homelessness stems from desperate poverty combined with unaffordable housing in communities too strapped to support their most troubled members” writes Martha Burt, PhD.


One need not be a Christian Steward, Biblical scholar nor even much of a Bible reader to know we will all be judged based upon how we treat those in need: the poor, the orphans, the widows, and, oh yes, the homeless, crazy or otherwise. In the Beatitudes, Jesus teaches us, not simply to help the poor, but to give them preferential treatment. Our salvation depends upon it. Unfortunately, we get caught up in managing the results rather than committing ourselves to acts of love and mercy. We worry about doing things right, rather than doing right things. Our good works become tainted by a need to make them successful rather than committing acts of charity and mercy out of love. Mother Teresa was fond of telling the members of her order that “God did not call us to be successful; He called us to be faithful”.


When we do right things in the hopes our acts will garnish our desired results, we engage in a kind of indirect egotism. This is most evident when we are merciful, just and kind in the hopes that others will in turn treat us mercifully, justly and kindly. It probably comes as a surprise to most of us that helping others is not a results oriented activity. There was no more merciful, kind and just person than Jesus Christ. Yet, though he loved all people like no one before, or since, his earthly end came on an instrument of Roman torture, abandoned by all but a few, a target of ridicule and derision. In the vernacular: this is not what we would call “a good result.”


Sharing our gifts with others should not come with a contingency clause. It is not part of our responsibility to judge if the gifts we have given have been used appropriately, let alone that they might not be used appropriately. Hopefully we would not withhold a bridal gift because, God forbid, the couple might get divorced or not use it for the purpose for which it was intended. That being the case, why would we withhold help, to those in need, for the same reason…because they might not use our gift as we intended. We must learn to love without expectation. “The success of love is in the loving.”


Dear Lord: Help me to love without expectation.


“The success of love is in the loving - it is not in the result of loving. Of course it is natural in love to want the best for the other person, but whether it turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.” ~ Mother Teresa of Calcutta (1910-1997)


© 2010 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

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