Hindsight

"Patience with others is love. Patience with self is hope. Patience with God is faith." ~ Adel Bestavros, Egyptian supreme court lawyer, preacher and scholar of the Coptic Christian faith (1924-2005)

Bert stepped away from his large, expensive oak desk and walked decisively past me to his office door. I didn’t turn around, but I heard the door shut and the thumb lock ram home. This didn’t bode well. “Now we can have some privacy,” he said in a business- like manner returning to his desk. He plopped into the plush leather office chair steepling his hands. Briefly making eye contact he casually glanced out the window. “You think you’re really something don’t you?” he began. “Excuse me?” came my knee-jerk response. “You heard me,” he continued. “You think you’re really something special, don’t you?”

The last two words rang like gunfire. Stomach acid started rising into my throat. “No, not particularly,” I responded carefully. “Yes, you do!” he said quickly rising to his feet. Suddenly the words started tumbling out of him faster than I could keep up. “You think you’re special because you’re a Christian don’t you?” “You think you’re better than everyone else.” “Well I’m here to tell you you’re not.” “You’re no better than anyone else here…especially me.” “You think you’re better than me?” “Let’s go out in the parking lot and see who the better man is.”

Bert’s neck was turning red and his hands were fisted at his sides. His tirade went on, only occasionally interrupted by my weak attempts to apologize for whatever mysterious offense I had committed. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” “No, I would never think that.” “I am grateful for my job.” “I appreciate all you do for me.” …and so on.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity the rant ended as suddenly as it had begun. “Now get out of my office and close the door behind you.” Relieved I gently unbolted the door, stepped into the foyer and quietly closed it. A moment later I heard the bolt thrown shut behind me.

I stood there shaking. Somewhere to my right lay the door to the outside… tempting me. To my left was the path back to my office. “God! Why in the world did you put me here?”After a moment, I turned left and headed back to my office and away from Bert’s lair.

It was Christmas Eve afternoon three years later. I was sitting in a different office, with a different organization when my cell phone rang, “CALLER UNIDENTIFIED.” Without a thought I clicked on. A cheery, but unknown voice greeted me. “Heh Jimbo, how ya doin’?” “Merry Christmas.”

Caught off guard I proceeded to engage in one of the stupidest phone conversations of my life. In a vain attempt to determine the identity of the mystery caller I gave vague responses and asked even vaguer questions, but to no avail. Finally, after a particularly obvious conversational misfire I outed myself. “I’m sorry.” “Your voice is very familiar, but I’m not sure who you are.” The response came like a bucket of ice water. “This is Bert!!!”

“ Bert? Oh, Hi Bert (gulp)” “How can I help you?” “Help me?” he responded “You’ve already helped me.” “Thanks to you I found Christ.” This has to be a joke I thought. Maybe this isn’t really Bert. “How did I do that?” I asked cautiously. “Lots of things, but mostly the way you acted.” “Even the times I had you in my office you never got upset or angry” (little did he know). I let him finish his explanation. After a few more conversational niceties he extracted a promise from me to have coffee sometime. Then he wished me the best of the season and clicked off. I sat there staring at the cell phone display, wondering what had just happened. “God has a strange sense of humor,” I mused.

All too often we see God in our rear view mirror rather than in the driver’s seat. We wonder why things happen in our lives even to the point of bemoaning our fate. “Why is this happening to me?” we ask (with heavy emphasis on the “TO ME?”) only to find out days, weeks, months or even years later that our “best laid plans” were subverted by a higher power with a larger and longer range goal in mind. God does have a sense of humor, but he also has foresight with a range which is infinite and planning abilities to match.

On the other hand our foresight is minimal. In the confusion and stress of daily life we become upset or disenchanted because God isn’t making it easy on us. This is the “If God would just let me win the lottery everything would be OK” kind of thinking. Life should be green lights and blue skies. There should be no stop signs in our lane and no Berts in our lives to trouble us. There are, however, “Berts” in our world and we are called to be there for them, even if we have to wait awhile to find out why. “The times we find ourselves having to wait on others may be the perfect opportunities to train ourselves to wait on the Lord.” (Joni Eareckson Tada)

Admittedly, many is the day I wish God would just send me a copy of his strategic plan or that I could at least win the lottery (just a small one). In the end, however, rather than having things my own way, it is much more gratifying to believe there is a supreme and benevolent being who has a master plan in place and, in which I play a supporting role.

Dear God: Remind me that life is worth the wait.

“Biblically, waiting is not just something we have to do until we get what we want. Waiting is part of the process of becoming what God wants us to be.” ~John Ortberg, Jr., American evangelical Christian author, speaker and senior pastor (b 1957)


© 2010 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

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