Grace Under Fire

“Grace isn’t a little prayer you chant before receiving a meal. It’s a way to live.” ~ attributed to Jacqueline Winspear, English author

The computer keys made a clacking sound as I clattered away on the key board. I use a modified two index finger method as I never learned the more eloquent touch typing approach. The two finger method was much more satisfying anyway because I was frustrated…really frustrated.

The center of an office cat fight is never pleasant. People flexing there political muscles in the relative safety of cyber space. As usual there had been plenty of finger pointing and butt covering served up from the safe distance of offices and cubicles; like firing artillery into the enemy lines. Tragically, in today’s work environment there often are no “lines”, making everyone and anyone a target. As long as “me” comes out on top the impact on “you” doesn’t matter much.

Now it was my turn. I like to call my method the “paper cut and lemon juice” approach; inflicting maximum discomfort without the appearance of having caused any. This particular writing style requires a delicate touch; one wants to sound concerned without appearing patronizing or condescending; pointing out tragic mistakes in the spirit of helpfulness. Once mastered it is a particularly effective method as it allows one to stand honorably above the rest while squashing the competition like roaches and perhaps even being promoted for doing so.

Stopping my clatter for a moment I scanned the screen rubbing my chapped hands together, my lips moving as I read the document out loud to myself; making sure the tone was just right. A word correction here and some punctuation there; a strategically placed underline there and a little bit of bolding here; then it was ready to go. My finger hovered over the send key which would propel my electronic missile off into cyberspace creating havoc as it went.

Then…I paused.

Years of experience reminded me: though I had gleefully approached my task up to this point; once I hit that key my glee would turn to guilt and my enthusiasm to worry. I returned to my draft and for another ten minutes fiddled with what I had written. But, regardless of what I did, it still came out wrong.

Finally, I decided I would rather be happy than right. I clicked the X in the upper right corner of the screen. The “Do you want to save changes?” box appeared. I clicked “No”. The screen went clear and refreshed.

I retrieved the original string of offensive emails and tapped the mouse as the cursor hovered over “Reply to all”. I typed the following: “Is there anything I can do to help remedy this situation?” A moment later, with a sigh of relief, it was sent.

When we are frustrated, resentful, unsettled, or upset, no matter the reason, the cause is usually within us. We must look inward not outward to resolve our issues. It is not the event, which stirs us up and clouds our vision. Rather it debris of our life which we carry with us which obscures our view. Faith was once described as a state of being in which no one can steal your peace.

And yet, our feelings are hurt, our ego bruised or we feel disrespected and we want others to “feel our pain”. Or perhaps more accurately, since we feel pain, they should too.

Perhaps surprising to some, it is stewardship which can provide an answer to our daily angst and frustration. Many of us see stewardship as a way for the church to get something out of us (more money, more volunteer time, etc.) without realizing it is intended to make us better, happier, more alive. In this regard, the restorative power of stewardship is often overlooked.

When I locked myself in email jail to do battle I had convinced myself I was defending a principle. What I was really defending was a need to be right, a need to be validated, a need for my ego to be protected.

Stewardship teaches us to be grateful for everything. When we live our lives knowing we are showered with God’s grace, pettiness dims in comparison and defense is unnecessary.

When I am truly grateful for all that I have: a job, people with which to interact, a desk, a computer on which I can communicate with the world (and write unkind things things without the fear of the police breaking down my door), it corrects my otherwise lopsided perspective. What I thought needed to be defended really didn’t.

Once I have identified what is askew with in me I can see the world anew. It is hard to engage in office politics when you are saying to yourself “I am truly blessed and forever grateful.” Gratitude is the key to a happy life.

Dear God: Make me forever grateful.

“Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted–a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.” ~ Rabbi Harold Kushner, prominent American rabbi and author (b 1935)


© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

“90 Second Stewardship” All rights are reserved. You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” is included along with this message. Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections. If written approval is given the ”© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message.