Reconcilable Differences

“I know there is strength in the differences between us. I know there is comfort where we overlap.” ~Ani DiFranco, American singer, song writer and guitarist (b. 1970)

We walked up the jet-way and into the terminal in Frankfort, Germany only to be greeted by a line. Anyone who travels by air knows lines are to be expected in airports: Ticket lines, security lines, even lines for the bathrooms. This line was different. Normally one walks out of the plane into the concourse and then on to the restrooms, the next departure gate or baggage claim area before encountering the next “line”. This line however, was smack dab in the middle of the concourse.

Standing on tip toe I could see the line bent to the left, terminating at a group of three, very official looking, glass boxes. Inside each was a very official looking immigration agent, dressed in a starched, button down shirt, replete with epaulets and brass buttons. All three agents sat bolt upright in their swivel chairs.

Never underestimate the Germans when it comes to formality.

Though the line was long it moved with smooth swiftness and efficiency separating into three smaller lines as we approached the glass cells. Finally, it was our turn. Teresa and I dutifully handed over our passports, already opened to the page with our picture. The agent smiled briefly when I greeted him in German, but without breaking stride, he rhythmically scanned the documents, compared our pictures to our faces and summarily stamping each one. “Have a safe trip,” he said stolidly.

Never underestimate the Germans when it comes to efficiency either.

To our surprise, our departure gate was only short walk past the security barrier we had just negotiated. In fact, we never left the concourse in which we had arrived. “What was that all about,” we wondered?

Three hours later we found ourselves “boots on the ground” in Leonardo De Vinci airport in Rome… standing in another line. This time, however, we were waiting for our luggage. The Tour Director, Luigi (no joke, his name was Luigi), had greeted us as we entered the baggage claim area. “Itsa gonna take a little time for your bags to come,” he had said. “You’re in Italia now.”

We were not quite sure what his inference meant, but he was right. The bags were slow in coming and when they did finally appear, it was only a few at a time. With agonizing slowness they came. Plop…plop…plop. They slid from an opening above down onto the slow moving conveyor.

“We still have to get through customs and immigration,” I muttered under my breath to Teresa. The three bags we checked arrived on the conveyor one at a time…four to five minutes apart.

Finally, with all our luggage in hand, we headed for the exit doors. Our passports in hand we were prepared to show them to the Italian immigration officials. Clearing the doorways we turned to our right and headed up a wide ramp. To our surprise we were in the main part of the terminal; no guards, no gates, no nada. Confused we stopped.

“Is something a wrong?” came Luigi’s voice from behind us. “We were expecting an immigration check point,” I explained still looking around. “There’s a no check point.” When you came through Frankfort the Germans did that for us.” “We have, how you say, an arrangement,” he said with a smile.

Tucking our passports in our jackets and adjusting our luggage we followed Luigi the rest of the way up the ramp. “I don’t lika their food, but when it comes to security the Germans are primo,” Luigi exclaimed, as we headed for the exterior doors and the busses waiting outside.

“Birds of a feather flock together.”

It is true, most of us tend to affiliate with those who are much like us; those who share our tastes, our interests, our personality type, and most importantly, our world view. In doing so it provides us with a certain comfort level. It minimizes conflict and, since everyone with whom we associate agrees with us, it gives us surety we are right about most things. They give us a comfort level because they seem to affirm the way we are, is the way we should be, and everyone else should be.

This provides us with a false sense of stability in our lives. But, because a boat is not rocking, it doesn’t mean that it’s not sinking. God made us different and gifted us differently for a reason.

The people we need in our lives are often those who are unlike us in some ways. Those who are gifted differently do not appear in our lives to identify our short comings. Rather, they are there to provide us with additional strengths…strengths we don’t personally possess. Because they see the world differently they provide us with a kind of communal peripheral vision.

Rather than hiding amidst a crowd of sameness, we need to surround ourselves with the people who are good at the things we are not. Who see the world much differently than we do. The Germans may thrive on security and organization, but they are sometimes a bit too serious. The Italians may be passionate, with a wonderful cuisine yet can be somewhat disorganized at times. Though their cultures are very different by working together they filled in the gaps for one another.

Birds of a feather may flock together, but it doesn’t mean, in so doing, they are productive...just comfortable. Different gifts serve different purposes.

There is a strong message here for those of us who work with ministries, councils, committees or boards. Our tendency is to work toward gaining consensus. The easiest way to do so is to have a committee filled with members who all think alike. Such an approach is a recipe for failure, or at best, mediocrity. (A recipe with one ingredient isn’t a very good recipe.)

Leaders need followers, planners need implementers, and dreamers need pragmatists. We all need complementary personalities in our lives to make us whole even when it comes to spouses.

We are called to seek out those, not who are like us, but those who are unlike us…who have gifts we don’t. Who see the world differently. Whether we are talking about countries, committees or even courtship we must look for those who complete us. It is not a matter of being right or wrong; it is a matter of blending the different gifts God has given each of us.

Dear God: Teach me to embrace the differences in others so that together we may be whole.

“Much of the vitality in a friendship lies in the honoring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of similarities.” ~ Father James Fredericks, PhD., Associate Professor, Loyola Marymount University

© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

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