BFF

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”  ~Daisaku Ikeda, president of Sōka 

Gakkai International, a Nichiren Buddhist lay association (b 1928)

The Marine Gunnery Sergeant carefully slipped the tightly-wrapped flag into the widow’s lap. Her black dress made her appear even more pale and drawn than she actually was. She sat quietly hunched in her wheelchair; her eyes, now dry, were red from crying.

Kneeling in front of her, I solemnly offered my condolences then paid my respects to the other family members. From time to time I paused to offer assurances that their grief would gradually lift though never completely go away.

Having made the circuit of people remaining outside the church, I approached the three Marines who had performed the flag ceremony. “Thank you for protecting us,” I said. They turned toward me, surprised at first, and then smiled.

Shaking their hands, I offered them a brief blessing then headed for the Sacristy, casting one last glance at the thinning group of mourners. In the distance, I saw the widow being wheeled toward the parking lot.

Turning away, I quickly headed into the church, across the narthex, and in through the sacristy door. The communion vessels were waiting for me to perform the post Communion purification. I jokingly referred to it as ‘doing God’s dishes.’

Five minutes later I was finishing the task when Mary, the funeral coordinator, entered the sacristy.

“We’re pretty much done out there. How are we doing in here?”

“Almost done,” I replied. 

“Deacon Jim!” she responded, realizing who had answered her.  “Deacon Jim, that may have been the best funeral homily I've ever heard,” Mary effused. “You must have known him very well."

“No, not really” I replied, drying my hands. “Our paths crossed on several occasions.”

“Wow, you made it sound like he was your best friend.”

“Shouldn't he be?” I asked with a grin.

What we say about one another is important. Unfortunately, it has become increasingly common to speak badly of one another. Social media and electronic media have made it possible to spread verbal ill-will all too quickly.  In the vernacular of the day, we call this “bashing.”

When a celebrity bashes another celebrity (particularly when it is an ex-spouse or partner) it makes for entertaining news. Sadly, it has become common practice to bash neighbors, family members, public figures, communities, our country, and even others’ religion.

Some seem to think the only way to get attention, to gain an advantage, or to be seen as popular or perceptive is to point out the perceived weaknesses of others. But this kind of behavior is never appropriate.

Stewardship teaches us that as God creatures, we were all created for a reason and each of us has an inherent purpose. We are called to treat all of God’s creation with respect whether it is the environment, an unborn child, or an annoying next door neighbor.

One of the first steps in loving one another, as Jesus called us to do, is to find the good in one another. When we truly like someone, we are quick to overlook their faults and emphasize their good points.

The next time we are tempted to criticize others --  or “bash” them -- we should ask ourselves, “If I truly loved and respected this person, would I say what I’m about to say?”

Dear God: Remind me that everyone deserves to be treated as if he or she is my best friend.

“Criticism of others is thus an oblique form of self-commendation. We think we make the picture hang straight on our wall by telling our neighbors that all his pictures are crooked.”  ~Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, American Archbishop (1889-1979)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

Whose Right?

“‎Consider the rights of others before your own feelings, and the feelings of others before your own rights.” ~ John Wooden, American basketball player and coach (1910-2010)

“I saw it first!” Joel pointed as he spoke to punctuate his statement. “First come, first served, that’s the rule, Daddy-o.”

“Whose rule?” Stan responded flatly. “Last I checked, rank had its privileges. I’m a higher salary grade than you, so you need to step aside. This is mine.”

This was not the first time Stan and Joel had been at odds over which came first, longevity or seniority. This time was no different. Joel had been at the company five years longer than Stan, but Stan was a higher salary grade.

Joel decided to try a new approach. “Besides, I need the space. I have to keep all the old paper files in my cubical. I’m sure we’re violating some safety code by them being there. This one is a full foot wider. They will fit here perfectly, assuring my safety.”

“Baloney!  We’re not violating any safety regs. Besides, I need that space to meet with my staff when we do our ‘One-on-Ones.’”

“‘One-on-Ones!’ You told the admin assistant you needed the conference room for that so you could have a closed door. How are you going to close the door on a cubicle?”

Stan and Joel stood facing each other just outside the cubicle entry. “Excuse me!” came the voice, startling both of them. Marjorie, the Office Services Manager, passed quickly between them and into the cubicle. Once inside, she dropped a pile of notebooks on the desktop and plunked her laptop bag and purse in the chair.

Her two male coworkers stared at her in disbelief. “What do you think you’re doing?” they barked almost simultaneously. “Settling in,” she replied calmly.

“But I was here first,” sputtered Joel. “And I out-rank you,” exclaimed Stan.

“And I’m here to tell you both that this cubicle is slated to be relocated to another building along with 18 others.  If either of you want it, you are welcome to move in. If however, it gets relocated and your old cubicle has been occupied by someone else, you will probably end up with a desk out on the floor. Wha-da-ya-say, boys? Any takers? ” Marjorie gestured with her open hand like a carnival barker.

Joel and Stan looked at each other then back at Marjorie. “We’ll stay where we are,” they replied simultaneously and quickly disappeared.

Marjorie was placing her purse in the drawer when Joanna, her Administrative Assistant appeared in the doorway. “I couldn’t help overhearing your conversation with those two mutton-heads. This cubicle isn’t on our list to be relocated is it?”

“No,” Marjorie replied with a sly smile. “But, by the time those two yahoos figure that out, I’ll already be moved in and settled.”

We live in a world where personal rights sometimes supplant the public good. It has been referred to as the “tyranny of relevancy.” The problem with exercising our personal rights comes when we interfere with someone else exercising their personal rights. In such a case, whose rights are right?

When this occurs, as in the story of Stan, Joel and Marjorie, rights are often decided by such things such as entitlement, status, power, wealth – or sometimes by being downright devious.

Stewardship, on the other hand, operates on the basis of the common good, rather than personal rights. If we see all that we have and all that we are as gifts from a higher power, rather than rights to which we are entitled, the outcome is quite different. 

The question is, are we willing to share all that we have in order to make the world a better place, or are we going to continue to insist that the only rights that matter are our own?

Dear God: Remind me that I am only right when I am doing your will.

 “The good we secure for ourselves is precarious and uncertain until it is secured for all of us and incorporated into our common life.” ~Jane Addams, American pioneer settlement worker, founder of Hull House in Chicago, public philosopher, sociologist, author, and leader in woman suffrage and world peace.

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.