BFF

“It is much more valuable to look for the strength in others. You can gain nothing by criticizing their imperfections.”  ~Daisaku Ikeda, president of Sōka 

Gakkai International, a Nichiren Buddhist lay association (b 1928)

The Marine Gunnery Sergeant carefully slipped the tightly-wrapped flag into the widow’s lap. Her black dress made her appear even more pale and drawn than she actually was. She sat quietly hunched in her wheelchair; her eyes, now dry, were red from crying.

Kneeling in front of her, I solemnly offered my condolences then paid my respects to the other family members. From time to time I paused to offer assurances that their grief would gradually lift though never completely go away.

Having made the circuit of people remaining outside the church, I approached the three Marines who had performed the flag ceremony. “Thank you for protecting us,” I said. They turned toward me, surprised at first, and then smiled.

Shaking their hands, I offered them a brief blessing then headed for the Sacristy, casting one last glance at the thinning group of mourners. In the distance, I saw the widow being wheeled toward the parking lot.

Turning away, I quickly headed into the church, across the narthex, and in through the sacristy door. The communion vessels were waiting for me to perform the post Communion purification. I jokingly referred to it as ‘doing God’s dishes.’

Five minutes later I was finishing the task when Mary, the funeral coordinator, entered the sacristy.

“We’re pretty much done out there. How are we doing in here?”

“Almost done,” I replied. 

“Deacon Jim!” she responded, realizing who had answered her.  “Deacon Jim, that may have been the best funeral homily I've ever heard,” Mary effused. “You must have known him very well."

“No, not really” I replied, drying my hands. “Our paths crossed on several occasions.”

“Wow, you made it sound like he was your best friend.”

“Shouldn't he be?” I asked with a grin.

What we say about one another is important. Unfortunately, it has become increasingly common to speak badly of one another. Social media and electronic media have made it possible to spread verbal ill-will all too quickly.  In the vernacular of the day, we call this “bashing.”

When a celebrity bashes another celebrity (particularly when it is an ex-spouse or partner) it makes for entertaining news. Sadly, it has become common practice to bash neighbors, family members, public figures, communities, our country, and even others’ religion.

Some seem to think the only way to get attention, to gain an advantage, or to be seen as popular or perceptive is to point out the perceived weaknesses of others. But this kind of behavior is never appropriate.

Stewardship teaches us that as God creatures, we were all created for a reason and each of us has an inherent purpose. We are called to treat all of God’s creation with respect whether it is the environment, an unborn child, or an annoying next door neighbor.

One of the first steps in loving one another, as Jesus called us to do, is to find the good in one another. When we truly like someone, we are quick to overlook their faults and emphasize their good points.

The next time we are tempted to criticize others --  or “bash” them -- we should ask ourselves, “If I truly loved and respected this person, would I say what I’m about to say?”

Dear God: Remind me that everyone deserves to be treated as if he or she is my best friend.

“Criticism of others is thus an oblique form of self-commendation. We think we make the picture hang straight on our wall by telling our neighbors that all his pictures are crooked.”  ~Bishop Fulton J. Sheen, American Archbishop (1889-1979)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.