Name Answering

“People are too complicated to have simple labels.” From The Amber Spyglass by Phillip Pullman, British writer (b 1946)

Howard stared with trepidation down the long expanse which led to his first period class. The terrazzo-paved halls lined with industrial tan lockers looked more like a gauntlet than a pathway to higher learning. 

Who knew what humiliation or intimidation lay around the corner somewhere between social studies and the humanities? He had so looked forward to going to High School; but now, six weeks into his first semester, he wished he were back in Junior High.

It was 1968 and Howard was a high school freshman. His father was a local policeman who worked in drug enforcement.  His father’s vocation was no secret, and growing up during the height of the “drug revolution” of the late 60’s made him a readily available target for his classmates who were members of the “drug culture.”  Usually their taunts were subtle. An “oink, oink” sound made under their breath as they passed by. Or, “Soo-ee, Soo-ee!” shouted in the staircase behind him.

Other times he would get roughed up or his books unexpectedly knocked from my hands or his locker trashed, even though it was locked. If a teacher or the principal appeared his persecutors always managed to either disappear or appear casually uninvolved. 

To add insult to injury, the teachers always seemed to unexplainably attach blame to Howard. “What’s-a-matter with you, Kulkowski! Can’t you hold onto your books?” the teacher would quip.

The “Stoners” favorite pastime was to call him “piglet” since his father was, after all, a “pig.” The fact that Howard was on the pudgy side didn’t help matters much. He knew he physically fit the description.

Howard did his best to hide his problems from his father. This wasn’t always possible since he sometimes arrived home from school with torn clothes or a bloody nose.

His father’s interrogations were almost as bad as putting up with the “Stoners.” Dad’s answer was always the same -- aggression. “Do more damage to them than they do to you; then they will leave you alone,” he would say.  This never seemed like a viable option since he was usually outnumbered two or three to one. Even one-on-one he wasn’t sure he was equipped for a direct assault, since his aggressors were mostly upper classman.

One day, while visiting his grandparents, who lived nearby, Howard’s grandmother noticed bruises on his arms -- the result of being grabbed by two assailants and then slammed up against a locker. The marks were the remnants of their handprints. At first he lied, too embarrassed to tell her what had really happened. 

But, after some gentle encouragement, Howard broke down and told her everything, right down to the embarrassing nickname, “Piglet.” She listened thoughtfully the whole time, never interrupting, questioning or judging.

When Howard had finished he sat there staring at his hands. Finally, the silence was too much for him. “Whadaya think, Grandma?” he asked, not looking up. His grandmother gently reached out, placed her knuckle under his chin, and lifted his head.

“It’s been my experience that people like that gain more satisfaction from the responses they generate than the acts they commit. In other words, the more you ignore what they do, and the less you respond to their actions, the sooner they will get bored and move on.” Howard looked at his hands again.

“As for the names they call you?” she continued. “Try to remember, it’s not the names that people call you that matters. It’s the name you answer to that’s important.”

We have become a society of labels: Democrat, Republican, Conservative, Liberal, Tea Partier, Wall Street Occupier, etc.  Sadly, labeling others does not enhance our relationships with them; it simply makes it easier to dismiss them. I’m a Democrat so I don’t associate with Republicans. I’m a Conservative so I don’t want anything to do with Liberals…

We seem to have forgotten that racial slurs and racist or cultural remarks are also forms of labeling. The reverse problem is when people begin to buy-in to the labels others give them. Calling others stupid, lazy, or worthless can leave scars deeper than any cutting instrument. 

Unfortunately, like Howard, we often can’t control what others call us. But, his grandmother was right; we can work at not buying-in to the names we are called. It’s the names we answer to, not the names we are called that matter.

One of those names is “Child of God.” As loving and grateful stewards we would do well to remember that, “I know I’m somebody because God don’t make no junk.” We are called to treat others like the Children of God that they are and know that that’s what we are, too.

Dear God: You knew me before anyone else…I will answer when you call.

    

“Once you label me you negate me.” Soren Kierkegaard, Danish philosopher, theologian, poet, social critic, and religious author (1813-1855)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.