The Perfect Man

“Were I to await perfection, my book would never be finished.” ~Chinese Proverb

“On your left!”
Diane was flying down the bikeway on a junk run. She had done her regular work out in the early morning hours. Now she was just packing on some extra miles for good measure. It was a gift to be alive. She was, after all, a cancer survivor. It hadn’t been that long ago she was lying in a hospital bed. A well meaning nurse had told her, “Even though you’re terminally ill the good news is you’ll have time to travel if you want.” A little time to travel was a blessing? She didn’t want to travel! Diane wanted to live! Her Dad had told her, “You don’t get out of this life alive, Diane,” but he was in his 80’s for God’s sake.

Now, in full remission, she was training for a 100-mile bike race. She had been praying as she pedaled. “Dear God, send the perfect man for me.” It wasn’t her “first rodeo” so to speak, but now she had her life back. There should be someone with which to share it. “Dear God, send the perfect man for me,” she repeated like a mantra.

Suddenly she realized she was coming up on a skater; fast, too fast. “On your left!” she yelled out. Instinctively the skater swerved to his left directly into her path. “The other left!” Diane screamed as she skidded to avoid him. This time he went right and she slid left. Catastrophe avoided they made apologies to one another.

His name was Kirk and, as it turned out, they shared a lot of interests. A date was made and others followed. Then came the engagement and the wedding planning began. Diane’s cancer had left her unable to bear children, so they started adoption paperwork as well. In the blank marked “Preferred Race” they wrote “HUMAN”.

Then, amidst the flurry of preparations, came the diagnosis: Kirk had terminal leukemia; a few months perhaps. In her moments of despair Diane asked God a simple question: “Why?” The answer came quickly. Kirk was the “perfect man for her.” He was a man she loved deeply and cared for. He in turn, loved her. More importantly he needed someone to walk “the path” with him. A path she too had walked once before. A path she knew all too well. They were in fact, “the perfect couple”.

The wedding date was moved up and the preparations accelerated. The wedding was held at the local Lutheran church presided over by Kirk’s step-father. There had not been time to arrange the Catholic wedding for which Diane had hoped, but it didn’t matter. Like Diane and Kirk the two congregations came together as one. They returned from their honeymoon and shortly thereafter Kirk died. His legacy? Their adopted son, Steven; a blonde haired, blue eyed picture of his dad.
Diane’s prayer had been answered two-fold.

Our version of perfect is very different from God’s version of perfect. Our version of perfection typically means flawless, untainted, unblemished, and perhaps even pure. We think in terms of the “perfect job”, the “perfect car”, or the “perfect body.” Our version of perfection is literally overrated and yet we are more than willing to use any means possible to attain versions of this so-called “perfection”. Sadly, the pursuit of human perfection can be a road to false satisfaction and ultimately disappointment.

On the other hand, God’s version of perfection is one of “rightness.” Therefore, like Diane, if one prays for perfection what one will receive is not a flawless remedy, but the perfect answer to our prayers. Case in point, God’s response to Diane’s prayer was not a flawless human being and yet she and Kirk could not have been better suited for one another.

We expect God’s responses to be convenient, uncomplicated and appealing from a human point of view. God, however, doesn’t seem to operate this way. When we come to realize God’s answers to our prayers are not what we perceive as flawless, simplistic resolutions, it helps us to understand why God’s gifts don’t always seem like gifts. We live in an imperfect world; imperfection of our own making. It therefore stands to reason the remedies for our hardships will also seem imperfect at first. They are rarely what we expected.

This confusion over perfection versus rightness is not a new issue. For several thousand years perfection, or what we might call holiness, has been equated with moral purity. In an effort to be perfected (holy) we feel compelled to execute life, faith, morals, etc. flawlessly. Such an approach is doomed to disappointment.

In point of fact, to be holy means to “rise above” these things. “To rise above” does not mean to become superior to others. Rather it is an ability to move to a place above the noise and confusion of life and, from this vantage point, see its gifts and blessings…just as Diane came to see Kirk and the path they walked together as a gift.

Dear God, give me your perfect answers to my imperfect prayers.

“People throw away what they could have, by insisting on perfection, which they cannot have, and looking for it where they will never find it.” ~Edith Schaeffer, Christian author and co-founder of L’Abri (b 1914)

© 2010 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.
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