My Way or...

"Effective listeners remember that words have no meaning - people have meaning." ~ Larry Barker, Investigative Reporter

Roman and I sat listening to the discussion. Listening is an acquired skill for me, and not one which comes naturally. We had come to this meeting with two agendas (one which was written down and another which was firmly planted in our heads). Now our ideas for a simple reception were evaporating like dry ice on hot asphalt.

In front of us sat five bright, creative individuals in their mid-twenties to early thirties. Watching a plan unfold in the midst of quality, respectful discussion can be exciting and energizing, provided you don’t feel the need to protect your agendas. It is like experiencing the creation of a jigsaw puzzle from scratch. Ideas, like puzzle pieces, play off one another. Some fit together, some do not. Some are set aside for later and some are simply cast aside. As the image or plan takes shape open spaces appear. Spaces which are later filled with supplemental ideas.

Such was Roman’s and my evening with the YMA Core Team (Young Ministering Adults). We had come to ask if the Team would do a reception in support of our Capital Campaign. We knew a wine and cheese gathering would not be appropriate for a “beer and pizza generation”, but our best intentions had missed the mark. We had tried to use, what a marketing friend of mine calls the “same girl, different dress” approach. No matter how you present it, a reception is a reception whether you serve champagne and caviar, wine and cheese, or beer and taco chips.

What this group envisioned was something more expansive and engaging. Rather than a reception they were going to hold a “Participation Celebration” at the end of an appropriate period of cultivation. There goal was to use our campaign initiative to reconnect their membership with the core values of our faith, with their ministry and with a sense of stewardship. Their rallying cries were simple: “Why do we belong” and “Why do we give back?”

When we departed that evening, it was not simply with a commitment to do a reception. Rather, we left with a commitment to a three and a half month plan of engagement and preparation; a plan, not simply to raise a few bucks; but a plan, which would deepen their membership’s spirituality in the process.

“What do you think,” Roman asked as we returned to our offices. “How could I say no?” I replied with a smile.

As Christian Stewards we are not simply the caretakers of our own gifts of time, talent and treasure. We are also called to nurture and interface with the gifts of others. Unfortunately we live in a world which often values speed of execution at the expense of quality and engagement. As a result many of us find ourselves driven to get to the quickest conclusion rather than engaging in the evolutionary process required to reach the best solution.

In an effort to reach a quick result we burden ourselves with the assumption that we need to be the one with the right answers or the best solutions. This is true even when we are surrounded by people who share our desire for a successful completion; people with a variety of gifts and perspectives.

The result is we become protectionists rather than facilitators. We choose to wrestle others to the ground verbally to win the day for our point of view, rather than selecting and incorporating all the good ideas others have to offer; allowing a final product to evolve.

Does this mean formulating a plan is easy within a group? No, quite the contrary; the single decision maker will always be more efficient than a group, but will they be more affective? Coming to a group conclusion, in which all feel engaged and empowered can be frustrating, time consuming and even a little annoying. The results however are usually better, often richer, multi-faceted and the resulting buy-in means you have a room full of advocates when the implementation starts.

We are called to use our gifts of time and talent, but we are also called to respect, nurture, and affirm the gifts of others. Our mission in life is to help save the world. But God never said we had to do it alone.

Dear God: Help me be a better steward of the gifts of others.

"An essential part of true listening is…the temporary giving up or setting aside of one's own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience…the speaker's world from the inside…” ~M. Scott Peck, MD, American psychiatrist and best-selling author (1936-2005)

© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

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