Obituary

“One thing I can still do is pray. So if it’s all the same to you, I’ll pray for you” ~Stella Rodzanskas Forte, wife, mother, grandmother, caregiver (1920-2011)

A cold, icy rain was falling as we laid Stella to rest in the old church graveyard. The site, located in southwestern Pennsylvania, overlooked both the house she had lived in most of her life and her Parish Church, St. Luke’s. She had been baptized, married and now buried here.

While Stella never carried the title, she had been a “caregiver” most of her life. She cared for her invalid mother Rosalia for nearly ten years while continuing to run the family store and raising her children Teresa and Peter. She would often sleep on the floor next to her mother’s bed in case Rosalia needed her during the night. Even after her mother died Stella continued to send letters, often containing money, to her mother’s family in Lithuania; a family she had never met nor would ever meet.

Stella’s, and her husband Pete’s, best friends were Marie and Sty. When Sty contracted terminal lung cancer Marie took an unpaid leave of absence from work to care for him. At 2:00 AM one morning the phone rang in Stella’s bedroom. It was Marie. “I just can’t deal with this anymore” she cried. Stella woke Pete. They quickly dressed and made the hour long drive to their friends’ house in Pittsburgh. They stayed three days until Sty died. Even after the burial Stella and Pete went to Marie’s house every weekend to help her clean, cook and do household chores.

When Stella’s neighbor John, started going blind from glaucoma, Stella visited him twice daily taking him his meals, cleaning his house, driving him to doctor’s appointments and helping him pay his bills. Shortly before he died John offered to deed his house to Stella and Pete. They gently refused the gesture.

Throughout most of her life Stella brought groceries to shut-ins, cleaned houses for the elderly, drove people to medical appointments, gave generously to the needy and cooked meals for bereaved families. Finally her own health began to fail and her husband died.

In April of 2007 Stella became a resident of Vintage Senior Living in Simi Valley, California. Crippled with arthritis and suffering from bouts of dementia she spent most of her time confined to a wheel chair in the “Reminiscence” wing of the facility. One would have thought her years of serving others was over, but it was not. Somehow she found a way to be a servant to those who served; a giver of care to other caregivers.

Once she remarked to a Caregiver, “I know I’m old and my head doesn’t work right all the time, but one thing I can still do is pray.” “So if it’s all the same to you, I’ll pray for you.”

Caregivers would seek her out for solace and comfort. “Whenever, I was having a bad day I would go see Stella,” was an often heard comment. Stella offered people her bed when she wasn’t using it, food when they didn’t have any in front of them and money when she didn’t think they were paid enough.

From her little room with a few necessary pieces of furniture and a small closet of basic clothes she proved daily her greatest possessions were love, compassion and generosity. Stella passed quietly into the next world on a Saturday morning at 6:45 AM; three days short of her 91st birthday. Almost poetically her heart beat for 10 minutes after her breathing had ceased.

Many people leave legacies after they die. They leave charitable foundations, buildings, businesses, estates, wills and trusts. But the legacy Stella left us was a legacy of love and compassion. In her own way she was both Mary and Martha. Like Martha, she served at table making sure everyone else was fed and cared for first. But like Mary, she found time to kneel at the feet of Christ by attending Mass daily; a ritual carried on by the ministers to the sick and homebound who visited her weekly.

She created this legacy of love by constantly serving others. It mattered not what she had, but what she gave. Like a member of a religious order she lived simply, proving daily it is not money or power or prestige which makes a difference in this world. If the world is to be saved it will happen through the love, compassion and generosity of people like Stella.

“If you ever need anything, you come to me.” ~Stella Rodzanskas Forte, wife, mother, grandmother, caregiver (1920-2011)

© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

“90 Second Stewardship” is a reflection on being a Christian Steward in a secular and sometimes harsh world. This reflection is written by James E. Carper, Stewardship Coordinator for Saint Monica Catholic Community in Santa Monica, California. All rights are reserved. You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” is included along with this message. Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections. If written approval is given the ”© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message.