Gratitude is Plate Full

“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.” ~W.T. Purkiser, preacher, scholar and author (1910-1992)

Margie Kibelbeck carefully positioned the perogies in the Corningware container. They had to be placed just right, then covered with wax paper, so they didn’t stick together. The container, which had made its way around the neighborhood more than once, wasn’t hers. It belonged to her friend, Stella Rodzianko.

They had known each other since childhood. Their families had lived across the street from one another since the Depression. The dish had been so well-used the blue poppies on the side had begun to wear away. It had been the vehicle for everything from brownies to golumpkie (Polish stuffed cabbage rolls).

This time it had arrived at her house, a week or so earlier, filled with chocolate chip cookies. Margie had been surprised by unexpected guests from out of town. And just when she was wondering what she could put out for them, Stella arrived unexpectedly with the cookies. Coffee and cookies had been enough to satisfy her guests. “A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out,” she thought to herself as she placed the last row of perogies on the wax paper.

There had been times during the “Big Depression” that the only food there was to eat was given by a neighbor. She often thought this was where the tradition of “never return an empty dish” had come from. During the Depression, people shared what they could with one another. There were no social services back then; unless someone took pity on you, you could starve.

She remembered a time when she was a little girl. It was the end of the month and there was nothing left in the cupboard. Mrs. Del Vecchio had dropped off a plate of rigatoni, using the excuse that she had accidentally made too much. After dinner Margie’s mother had carefully washed the plate while saying what sounded like a prayer. Once clean and ready to be returned, they had nothing to put in the dish.

So, instead, Margie’s Mom took out a small sheet of tablet paper. Seated at the kitchen table, with fountain pen in hand, she carefully wrote “Blessed are they who care for their neighbors.” Then she taped the note to the inside of the plate and instructed Margie and her brother to return it. “Make sure you say thank you,” she told them.

Mrs. Del Vecchio answered the door to find the two children standing there holding out the plate. Taking the plate, she read the note, then dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve. “Tell your Mama this is the best thing I ever got back in my plate,” she had said.

Returning from her thoughts, Margie put the glass lid on the Corningware and headed out the door. Hopefully Stella had the coffee pot on and one of her famous nut rolls in the oven.

Stewardship within a community, be it a neighborhood or a parish, is made up of many small acts of kindness. Note the emphasis on the word “acts” or “action.” I grew up with the “never return an empty plate” tradition, but over the years I have heard it continually maligned.

The arguments are always the same. If you gave someone food because they didn’t have any, how can you expect them to return the dish with food in it? Some will say they use disposable containers so there is no need to return anything. Others will say they simply return a clean plate. Sometimes you are just lucky to get the plate back at all!

Margie’s Mom answered the question: “What do you give back?” There is always something to give back. She was grateful, but there needed to be something more. Gratitude is not only a feeling; it seems to require a response from us, as well. In fact, gratitude is responsive, interactive, relational and even spiritual.

When we feel grateful, how do we respond? Recognizing that something good has happened in our lives, do we try to make something good happen in someone else’s? What do we do with the gifts we receive from God? Do we feel grateful and, in turn, act upon them? Are we returning those gifts with increase or are we simply returning to God an empty container?

Our gifts give us the impetus to respond with gratitude, and gratitude is a call to action. Never return an empty plate.

Dear God: Teach me to never return an empty plate.

“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” ~John Fitzgerald Kennedy, 35th President of the United States (1917-1963)

© 2011 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.
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