Quotation Confrontation

“The first duty of love is to listen” ~Paul Tillich, German born American theologian and philosopher (1886-1965)

We had shared an office for less than two months. I knew her faith tradition and she knew mine. Both devout Christians, it seemed we had silently agreed to disagree, but what we actually believed had never been discussed.

All I knew for sure was she had been raised in a strict Southern Baptist home. Her father was, in fact, a Baptist minister. This essentially meant no singing, dancing, games or even music in the house.

Like most arguments, it was a stupid argument. Anything beyond a discussion is always unnecessary escalation, but so it went. It had started innocently enough; Just a simple question really. “Have you been saved?” she had asked. “Of course,” I responded, without really paying attention.

Then came my mistake. “I was saved when Christ died on the cross,” I added cleverly, almost as an afterthought. “That’s not all there is to it you know!” she retorted. “I know,” I replied dismissively. “It’s how you live out that commitment as well.” At this point I had moved on, but she hadn’t.

“It’s not about what you do, it’s about making Christ your personal Savior.”  The expression was all too familiar. It was time to walk away, but I couldn’t. I was sitting at my own desk in the office we shared.  “For me, it’s a little more than a simple declaration; I think it’s about how you live your life.”

Now I had passed the point of no return. I should have recognized the age-old argument of faith versus works. Instead I had run head long into one of the oldest debates in Christendom. Compromise had never been achieved between Protestants and Catholics on this subject, nor would it be on this day.

The curt discussion quickly degenerated into volleys of Bible text, mostly Romans on her side (Martin Luther’s favorite) and the Book of James on mine. I probably should have avoided quoting the line about faith without works being “thoroughly lifeless.”

Suddenly she was up and out of her chair and on her way out the door.  “I have things to do,” she said curtly over her shoulder, then disappeared around the corner in the direction of the copy room.

We are fast becoming a world of “who can out-quip who.” The confrontation between my office partner and me related to religion, but it could have been about politics, social issues or even sports. Rather than engaging in frank honest discussion, it became a contest as to who could cite the more authoritative reference.

 If you happen to be a fan of social networking you know that there are entire strings of authoritative “comments.” Some post seem to be the equivalent of verbal landmines just waiting for someone to “step on them.”

Not too surprisingly, there is a word for this. It’s called “proof-texting.” It occurs when you adopt a particular stance on an issue, then search for documentation (usually quotes) to justify taking that position.

My argument with my friend arose out of a smug self confidence in my own beliefs and the ill-advised belief that a discussion of this kind could be easily handled with a few choice comments. In other words, I tried to take a short cut where there was none to be taken.

True confidence in our beliefs cannot be demonstrated by reliance on a few pithy quotes or a download from YouTube. Confidence in our beliefs is truly demonstrated by our willingness to respectfully engage others in an effort to fully explore why they believe what they believe.

In my situation, how much better it would have been if I had responded with a genuine question like: “I’m not sure I understand that expression. What does it mean exactly?” Or, “How has that belief served you in your life?”

Rather than employing a bumper sticker mentality, we must try to respect and understand the beliefs of others, not out-quote them.  

Dear God: Help me to listen first, ask question second and allow my brain to engage before my mouth is opened.

“(People) are respectable only as they respect.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson, American poet, lecturer and essayist (1803-1882)

© 2011 James E. Carper.  All rights reserved.

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