Self? Image?

You are made in the image of what you desire. ~Thomas Merton, Trappist monk and mystic (1915-1968) 

Javier was big. Not just big for an 8^th grader, but big by any standard. Even in 7^th grade he could throw a football the length of the parking lot. Fortunately, Javier was usually good-natured and friendly. He never used his size to take advantage of the other students. On the other hand, because of his size, the other students often deferred to him. So, by default, he often got his way.

Mr. Antonio was the Teaching Assistant (TA) for the Kindergarten Class. But, at 6 feet, 8 inches tall, he towered over everyone, even Javier.

No one really knew how the disagreement started or, for that matter, what it was about. The only thing for sure was that the two of them (Javier and Mr. Antonio) were standing face-to-face in the middle of the playground with their voices steadily escalating in volume.

As a student, Javier should have done whatever the TA told him to do. This time however, Javier had chosen to stand his ground. Now, students were noticing the confrontation; some stopped playing and turned to see what was going on. Others sat on the benches along the exterior walls and just watched.

Finally, the fracas caught the attention of the school principal. She arrived on the scene and with five simple words: “Javier, come to my office,” it ended as quickly as it started. Javier received a disciplinary slip and nothing more was said about the incident.

At 7:25 am the next day, Mr. Antonio parked his old Honda Civic in the teacher’s lot and headed for the Kindergarten classroom.  He surveyed the room to make sure everything was in order. In the process he instinctively reached for the cell phone in his hip pocket where it should have been. It wasn’t there. He quickly patted himself down. No luck. “I must have left it in the car,” he thought. Giving the classroom a last glance, he headed for the parking lot.

As he neared his car, he noticed something white stuck under the windshield wiper. It appeared to be a small envelope. He located his cell phone on the passenger’s seat then plucked the envelope from its resting place. Mr. Antonio opened the envelope and read the enclosed note. He paused, looked around and then read it again. After a moment’s consideration, he headed for the Principal’s Office.

The Principal sat at her desk staring at her computer screen. Mr. Antonio entered without knocking. “I need to show you…” but his voice trailed off when he noticed a similar white envelope on the Principal’s desk. “Have you read it?” she asked, without looking away from the screen. “Yes,” he replied. “Twice.” “Then we don’t need to discuss it, do we?” responded the Principal, looking up from her screen with a glimmer of a smile. “No, I guess not,” replied Mr. Antonio. He turned and exited the office.

The note lay open on the Principal’s desk. It read simply: “I’m sorry for the way I behaved yesterday. I messed up. Please forgive me, Javier.” 

Maturity is not about learning to navigate flawlessly through life’s treacherous waters. Rather, it is about how we respond when we “mess up.” And, we will mess up. Perfection is the goal, but the law is still Murphy’s.

The issue we must confront daily is “image” versus “self.” Image is how others perceive us or how we want them to perceive us. “Self” is the real deal…the real us. The problem is when the two are in conflict with each other – when we want to look good even though we know we are wrong.

The conflict between image and self arises in all walks of life: business, family, politics and even, sad to say, religion. We create images for ourselves we can’t live up to. Then when things go awry, we are left with only two choices: to get in contact with our “self” and admit our fault or to protect our image by placing blame, arguing beyond rationality, covering up, or denial.

Javier knew the answer was to do the right thing – to take responsibility for his actions and admit fault. As a result, he not only freed himself to live with a clear conscience, but he mended the relationships which had been strained.

We are all called to be the persons God created us to be. After all, we are smarter than an 8^th grader; aren’t we?

Dear God: Help me to become the person you created me to be rather the person I am not.

“You are who you are when nobody's watching.” ~Stephen Fry, English actor, screenwriter, author, playwright, journalist, poet, comedian, television and radio presenter, film director, activist, and board member of Norwich City Football Club. (b1957)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

“90 Second Stewardship” is a reflection on being a Christian Steward in a secular and sometimes harsh world. This reflection is written by Deacon James E. Carper, Director of Marketing and Development at Holy Name of Jesus School in south/central Los Angeles. All rights are reserved. You are welcome and encouraged to forward this e-mail to family and friends provided the”© 2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” is included along with this message. Organizations, whether for or non profit, are required to receive written approval before reproducing these reflections. If written approval is given the “© 2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.” must be included along with this message. Questions or comments may be directed to Jim Carper by return e-mail or at the contact information found below.

 

UNSUBSCRIBE

Our records indicate that you like receiving e-mail from 90 Second Stewardship. If you would prefer not to receive email from this ministry, please send an email to 90.second.steward@gmail.com and I will remove you from this e-mail list. Please do not click Junk Mail, or filter this message as SPAM.

Not Now

“Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.” ~Susan Gregg, American Author (b 1961)

Mariah loved to go to school. Every day, five days a week, she would dutifully place her “Dora the Explorer” backpack and her pink lunch bag in the back seat of Mom’s fifteen-year-old green Volvo for the ten minute ride to school through inner city Los Angeles. The view wasn’t all that great. There were a lot of odd-looking people pushing shopping carts with what looked like junk in them. People stood on street corners waiting for buses.

Still and all, the excitement of going to school kept Mariah occupied. She knew when they arrived, her Mom would park across the street from the back gate to the school. Mr. Herbie would be there to greet her. Mr. Herbie was the 75 year old crossing guard. Her Mom said he was “older than dirt.” Mariah didn’t know how old dirt was or how Mr. Herbie could be older than that, but it didn’t matter. He would be there.

The car rumbled to a stop, the brakes squeaking in protest, and the nearly bald tires brushing against the curb. Mariah, quickly unbuckled her seat belt and got to her knees. Kneeling on the back seat she had a better view. Sure enough, there was Mr. Herbie walking toward them with his brightly colored vest and the big red sign in his hand that read “STOP.”

“Good morning Mariah,” Mr. Herbie said in his slow, craggy voice. His voice sounded ancient to Mariah. Maybe he was older than dirt, she thought. He helped her out of the car. Then, closing the car door, he turned and, holding up his sign, he escorted Mariah safely across the street.

“Have a good day,” croaked Mr. Herbie when they reached the other side. But Mariah paused thoughtfully. “Mr. Herbie?” “Yes, Mariah,” he answered. “Can I see your sign?” she asked. “Sure,” he replied with a shrug, holding the big, red “Stop” sign toward her.

Mariah stared at it for a few moments. “Can I see the other side?” she asked. A little perplexed by the child’s persistence Mr. Herbie carefully rotated the sign and then held it up again. Again Mariah stared thoughtfully at the sign. “Thank you; that’s what I thought,” she said finally

.

“What did you think?” asked Mr. Herbie. “That there is something wrong with your sign,” Mariah replied.

Mr. Herbie instinctively examined both sides of the sign.  “What’s wrong with it?” he asked, still looking at the sign. “It says ‘STOP’ on both sides,” she said matter-of-factly. “Yeah, and?” responded the confused crossing guard.

“Well,” began Mariah shouldering her backpack. “Shouldn’t one side say ‘GO’?”

All too often we try to teach concepts of proper behavior by teaching their negative. Even the Ten Commandments have their share of “Thou shalt nots…” The exceptions are the two commandments Jesus holds up as the two most important: “You shall love the Lord your God (etc.)” and “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” They read more like positive affirmations than rules.

Mariah’s child-like perception was surprisingly accurate: Shouldn’t every “Stop” sign have a corresponding “Go” sign? If learning to behave well always means not doing something, we run the risk of analysis paralysis. The default position becomes to not take action because we might be wrong.

Would it not be better for us to learn how to do a better job of loving and accepting one another? For instance, the Catholic school where I work does not have a bullying problem. But it is not because we have a “no-bullying” policy. Rather, it’s because we teach love and respect and help our students come to understand they are responsible for one another. In other words, how to be stewards of one another.

Mariah was right. We need the “Go” signs in our lives. Focused on positive, affirming actions, we learn to live full and productive lives. On the other hand, if we go through life, doing nothing but trying to avoid doing the wrong thing, sooner or later we will find ourselves tied up in “NOT’s.”

Dear God, help me to say “yes” to the person you created me to be.

“I thank you God for this amazing day…which is infinite, which is yes. ~E. E. Cummings, American poet, painter, essayist, author, and playwright (1894-1962)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.

Magic Words

“Be willing to be a beginner every single morning.”  ~Meister Eckhart, German theologian, philosopher and mystic (1260-1328)

It was 7:27 am on a Tuesday morning. I stared across the street at the fenced parking lot of Redeemer Baptist Church. The two mastiffs which guarded the lot were ambling about, sniffing the ground aimlessly. In the distance, I could hear the rotor of a traffic helicopter thumping the air as it hovered over the 10 freeway. 

Mr. Herbie, our 70+ year-old crossing guard, was on medical leave following knee replacement surgery.  Every weekday, from 6:30 to 8:30am, he stood dutifully, with his hand-held stop sign, at the corner of Jefferson Blvd and Cimarron in south/central Los Angeles. His job was to escort students across the street as they arrived at Holy Name of Jesus School. 

His was no simple task, particularly as 8:00 am, the school start time, approached. Parents stopped or parked on both sides of the street. At the same time, morning commuters, on their way to work, did their best to squeeze through the stopped traffic. The result was sometimes just plain scary.

With Mr. Herbie convalescing at home the de facto crossing guard duties had fallen to me. The job was one of flurries of hectic activity with long intervals of waiting and watching. To bide the time I found myself waving to people in the passing cars and shouting “Good morning!” Pedestrians too received my cheery greeting. Nobody was safe from my morning salutation, not even transit and garbage truck drivers.

At first, I was greeted with suspicion, surprise or was just simply ignored. As the days wore on, however, slowly, some started to return my gesture. There is an old Chinese proverb that goes something like: “If a man sits on his porch long enough, the whole world will come to him.”

Here at my little corner of the world, it seemed this might be true. I saw everything from gang-bangers in low-riders and rice rockets to a vintage Lincoln Continental with oodles of chrome. There were groups of construction workers crammed into old pickup trucks and vans. It truly seemed as if the world was passing by my little corner, all slowly warming to my well intended greeting.

One overcast morning, I stood facing a late-model Volkswagen Beetle with my back to the traffic. I was helping a mother and her two daughters carefully exit their vehicle. A horn ‘beeped’ behind me. The noise startled me. I turned quickly and caught sight of a large, late-model pickup truck passing behind me. Then, in a moment, I saw four or five calloused hands stuck out the windows, followed by a chorus of “Good morning!” 

“It’s catching on,” I thought, smiling to myself; and returning to the task of getting the two girls safely across the street.  

There is a kind of magic in a sincere greeting such as, “Good morning.” Setting aside the fact that simple civility is waning in this day and age and people are surprised to be treated with civility, people also need positive affirmations. “Good morning,” is not simply a greeting. It is a way of saying to someone, “You deserve to be here…on this planet…in this place…sharing it with me and the others around us.”

If you have ever wondered how to start being a good steward, start by saying, “Good morning,” to everyone you meet. Do not skip anyone. After all, for some your “Good morning,” may be the only “good” thing that happens to them all day!
Dear God: Remind me daily of the magic in, “Good morning.”

“Remind yourself every day that you are here on earth for a reason. You have talents and qualities that can bring goodness to others. A kind smile, a good word, a loving gesture - simple things that can change people.” ~Gino Whitley

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.