Not Now

“Love yourself enough to be able to say yes or no.” ~Susan Gregg, American Author (b 1961)

Mariah loved to go to school. Every day, five days a week, she would dutifully place her “Dora the Explorer” backpack and her pink lunch bag in the back seat of Mom’s fifteen-year-old green Volvo for the ten minute ride to school through inner city Los Angeles. The view wasn’t all that great. There were a lot of odd-looking people pushing shopping carts with what looked like junk in them. People stood on street corners waiting for buses.

Still and all, the excitement of going to school kept Mariah occupied. She knew when they arrived, her Mom would park across the street from the back gate to the school. Mr. Herbie would be there to greet her. Mr. Herbie was the 75 year old crossing guard. Her Mom said he was “older than dirt.” Mariah didn’t know how old dirt was or how Mr. Herbie could be older than that, but it didn’t matter. He would be there.

The car rumbled to a stop, the brakes squeaking in protest, and the nearly bald tires brushing against the curb. Mariah, quickly unbuckled her seat belt and got to her knees. Kneeling on the back seat she had a better view. Sure enough, there was Mr. Herbie walking toward them with his brightly colored vest and the big red sign in his hand that read “STOP.”

“Good morning Mariah,” Mr. Herbie said in his slow, craggy voice. His voice sounded ancient to Mariah. Maybe he was older than dirt, she thought. He helped her out of the car. Then, closing the car door, he turned and, holding up his sign, he escorted Mariah safely across the street.

“Have a good day,” croaked Mr. Herbie when they reached the other side. But Mariah paused thoughtfully. “Mr. Herbie?” “Yes, Mariah,” he answered. “Can I see your sign?” she asked. “Sure,” he replied with a shrug, holding the big, red “Stop” sign toward her.

Mariah stared at it for a few moments. “Can I see the other side?” she asked. A little perplexed by the child’s persistence Mr. Herbie carefully rotated the sign and then held it up again. Again Mariah stared thoughtfully at the sign. “Thank you; that’s what I thought,” she said finally

.

“What did you think?” asked Mr. Herbie. “That there is something wrong with your sign,” Mariah replied.

Mr. Herbie instinctively examined both sides of the sign.  “What’s wrong with it?” he asked, still looking at the sign. “It says ‘STOP’ on both sides,” she said matter-of-factly. “Yeah, and?” responded the confused crossing guard.

“Well,” began Mariah shouldering her backpack. “Shouldn’t one side say ‘GO’?”

All too often we try to teach concepts of proper behavior by teaching their negative. Even the Ten Commandments have their share of “Thou shalt nots…” The exceptions are the two commandments Jesus holds up as the two most important: “You shall love the Lord your God (etc.)” and “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” They read more like positive affirmations than rules.

Mariah’s child-like perception was surprisingly accurate: Shouldn’t every “Stop” sign have a corresponding “Go” sign? If learning to behave well always means not doing something, we run the risk of analysis paralysis. The default position becomes to not take action because we might be wrong.

Would it not be better for us to learn how to do a better job of loving and accepting one another? For instance, the Catholic school where I work does not have a bullying problem. But it is not because we have a “no-bullying” policy. Rather, it’s because we teach love and respect and help our students come to understand they are responsible for one another. In other words, how to be stewards of one another.

Mariah was right. We need the “Go” signs in our lives. Focused on positive, affirming actions, we learn to live full and productive lives. On the other hand, if we go through life, doing nothing but trying to avoid doing the wrong thing, sooner or later we will find ourselves tied up in “NOT’s.”

Dear God, help me to say “yes” to the person you created me to be.

“I thank you God for this amazing day…which is infinite, which is yes. ~E. E. Cummings, American poet, painter, essayist, author, and playwright (1894-1962)

©2013 James E. Carper. All rights reserved.